Flair

Aretha Franklin notes that what Steve Harvey tells us (women) is "more than the average man will tell you. Steve Harvey will give it up." And that is exactly what he does in the final section of his book Act Like a Lady Think Like a Man. The section 'The Playbook - how to win the game', gives you the foundation for building the right relationship and advises how to sift through to find a good man, which is what we all want.

And the first rule is to get some standards and lay them out early. Not after you have had sex with the man or have been dating for months and are about to get married, but from the moment he walks up to you in the club. Harvey cautions that you are not going to just start rolling off a long list of demands, but with some finesse let him know the type of man you want. Like talking about how important it is to be punctual and for your partner to do the same.

Five questions

But before you get too deep, he outlines five questions every woman should ask. Among them are their goals - long and short term, and "What do you think about me?" This one he notes should be asked after a few dates when he had some time to get to know you. His answer will reveal what his plans are for you. And finally, 'How do you feel about me." This is different from the previous question. Harvey notes, "if a man cannot tell you how he feels about you after a month of dating, it's because he doesn't feel anything for you, he just wants something." But don't get upset if he doesn't answer right away; Harvey explains that he will have to go to a part of himself that men don't like going to.

The 90-day rule

The 90-day period is like probation. And like a new employee, you don't start receiving company benefits until you have passed probation. He is very specific that the benefit he's talking about is sex. "I'm talking about sex. And if you're giving your benefits to a guy who's only been on the job for a week or two, you're making a grave mistake." The man must prove himself, and he can walk off the job at any time. Once you've set out your rules, he will either rise to the occasion or walk. If he does walk, good for you.

During the probation, gauge his response to certain situations like when your car breaks down. Ninety days may seem like a long time, so he included a list of activities you can do to keep the attention on you and the relationship. He also included a few tips for women on how to act in certain situations.

Getting the ring

He cautions women to get out of the "if he wants to marry me, he'll ask me," mentality. "We are not going to ask you when you're ready - we're going to play with you until you give us your requirements and standards, and stand by them. I'm not telling you to get on bended knee. I'm telling you to set a timeline for the ring and the date, and tell the man you want to be married." Harvey notes that it's best to get the uncomfortable moments out of the way early by letting men know what we want and expect.

If you are ready for it now, and he is not, then it's not a good match. "So why waste all of your valuable years on something that's not going where you want it to go?" he asks.

His parting words of advice, "Don't be another heartbreak story. Start putting yourself first - get where you want to be, and make your man be all that he can be ... . Fear paralyses you from taking action. Don't be afraid to lose him, because if a man truly loves you, he's not going anywhere."

In the final pages, he answers the questions women have always wanted to ask. For example: how men feel about women, who ask for money, why men don't like to cuddle after sex and is it good to make your man jealous so he knows you can get another man if you wanted to?

This book is a good read for women, so have a read and have happy, healthy relationships.

nashauna.drummond@gleanerjm.com