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DOCTOR'S ADVICE: Husbands want to watch wives make love

Published:Sunday | January 16, 2011 | 12:00 AM

Q Doctor, my husband and I are in our 30s, and three years ago we decided to form an occasional 'foursome' with another couple who lives near us. The guy is a business associate of my husband.

Well, up to now everything has gone pretty well. I like the other woman and I do not mind the fact that my husband sometimes has sex with her. Similarly, I enjoy the nights that her husband spends with me.

On some occasions, we all meet up in one bedroom, and just 'swap' every few minutes. Initially, I was somewhat embarrassed about this, but now I have to admit that the experience of orgasming with first one man and then the other is a real agreeable one.

But a difficulty has now arisen. The two men have been talking to each other and have decided that they would like to see what they call some 'girl-on-girl action' in our foursome.

They have been pressuring us two wives really strongly to start 'fooling around' with each other. Their idea is that we women should put on some sort of 'lesbian show' while the two guys watch.

But I am not so sure about this. I do admit that the other wife is very attractive. But I have no sexual desire for her at all. I am just NOT interested in women.

I have kissed her on the lips once or twice, just to amuse the two men. But I did not get any particular excitement from it. However, she whispered to me that she liked it a lot.

Also, I do not understand why the two guys want to watch us having sex together. That seems crazy.

So I am pretty confused, doctor. What is your advice?

A Well, on previous occasions I have advised readers against getting involved in these 'wife-swap' foursomes. At the start, those set-ups may seem really exciting. But after a while, they often lead to big trouble, with outbreaks of jealousy and even violence.

Frankly, I think you have been lucky that your particular foursome has managed to continue for around three years, without any fuss or psychological troubles arising.

But now it looks as though it is moving into a new phase. The two husbands, who are no longer satisfied with straightforward 'swapping,' now want the two wives to engage in lesbian activity - while the men watch.

That may seem real strange to you. But I can assure you that in many men's lists of sexual fantasies, 'watching lesbianism' rates pretty highly. If you can bring yourself to glance at some of the pornography that is so freely available on the Internet these days, you will immediately see that a lot of it involves 'woman-on-woman' action. It is there because so many men like looking at it.

There is argument among psychologists as to why this should be so. But it is a fact. And now you two women are in a situation where both your husbands want to observe their wives going in for lesbian activity.

You ask for my advice. And my advice is, 'Don't do this.'

Getting physically involved with this other woman, and kissing her on the lips, breasts and genitals could stir up all sorts of emotional problems. You might actually find that you had unsuspected lesbian urges, which could prove more powerful than your desire for your husband.

The other woman is already showing quite strong evidence of lesbian desire. I note that when you kissed her on the lips she whispered to you that she found that exciting.

I have seen cases in which two wives who were involved in a foursome actually decided to leave their husbands and go off together. I even remember hearing of a case in which the two men left their wives and set up home together.

I do not wish to be condemnatory, but I must stress that a sexual foursome is a rather dangerous game. And when one starts introducing lesbian sex into it, the situation becomes even more risky.

Finally, can I point out that no one should ever be pressured into some kind of sexual activity which they don't want to go in for! At the moment, these two men are definitely putting a lot of pressure on an unwilling you. And I think you should try to resist that pressure.

Q I have had some difficulties with erection recently, and my wife says it is because I am drinking too much.

Is that possible, doctor?

A Absolutely. It is a well-known medical fact that alcohol tends to interfere with a man's potency.

I would strongly advise you to cut down on drink, so as to avoid losing your nature completely.

QI recently got interested in taking that hormone replacement therapy (HRT). But when I checked the Internet, I found that it can cause a lot of serious health problems.

So could I just use the vaginal HRT cream? Can I assume that that would be totally free of side effects?

A Female hormone cream ('HRT cream') is very good for women who have developed difficulties with dryness of the vagina.

However, the hormones in the cream are absorbed into the bloodstream. So they can cause side effects. Therefore, while using such a product, you should see a doc from time to time for a check-up.

Also, if you develop any unexpected vaginal bleeding, you ought to seek medical advice urgently.

Q My wife has asked me to buy her some of those female condoms when I am on my next business trip to the USA.

But are they difficult to use?

A Not really. The female condom is rather like a little bag, which the woman fits inside her vagina, just before sex.

In the United States of America, a new type of female condom has just been launched. Called 'FC2', its main advantage seems to be that it is less noisy than the original female condom, which tended to 'squeak' during sex.

Q I am a woman and I intend to get married later this year. I have not yet been to bed with my fiancé. But I am worried about the fact that I have had around six previous lovers.

Should I get a chlamydia test?

A Yes, I would say so. Chlamydia is common these days and it usually produces no symptoms in women. So, a lot of women have it but do not know it.

Therefore, anyone (female or male) who has had several lovers would be well advised to take such a test. It is painless.

Q My wife has just developed thyroid trouble. Could this be caused from unfaithfulness?

A No. Thyroid trouble is extremely common in women. Generally, one cannot determine a cause.

But it is definitely NOT due to sex. So please quit fretting about this idea.

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