Wed | May 25, 2016

DOCTOR'S ADVICE; Should she have a baby by a younger man?

Published:Sunday | July 3, 2011 | 12:00 AM
Smiling Mother and Toddler

Q Doctor, I am a 32-year-old housewife and I am quite highly sexed. To be frank, my married life has been really dull till now. Mainly this is because of the fact that I have no children. I have always yearned to be a mother, but my husband doesn't share my views. He does not like babies.

There is little for me to do all day, while my spouse is at work. And in the evenings, we mostly sit around and watch TV, while he has a few drinks.

Alas, my husband has little interest in having sex with me. We only do it around twice for the month. He does not know how to make me climax. So, quite often I have to do it myself.

Well, about four weeks ago, I met a younger man. He is lively, witty and handsome. He makes me laugh a lot. He has the same interests as me. Also, he has a real nice, athletic body. And to my surprise, he has now told me that he loves me.

I certainly find him very attractive, Doc. I think about him a lot. Maybe I love him; I don't know. He seems to have a healthy interest in my body, though so far we have done little more than kiss.

I have not discussed this matter with anyone, but I am beginning to wonder whether if should get myself pregnant by this younger guy. I would really LOVE to have a baby. I adore children. And it would be so wonderful to have a little boy or girl on my knee after all these years. With luck, my husband will just assume that the 'pickney' is his.

So Doc, should I let this young guy have sex with me so that I can conceive? But how could I be sure that he is fertile?

Also, how many times would I have to do it, in order to be certain of having a baby? Do you think that once would be enough?

A I am sorry to hear about your situation. You seem to be stuck in what sounds like a real boring marriage.

You obviously have a real strong maternal instinct. Indeed, the chief drive in your psychological make-up is a powerful reproductive desire. In other words, the major aim of your life is to be a mother. And you are so desperate that you are seriously considering the idea of having a child by someone you scarcely know!

Now, let me try and answer your questions. You ask if you can be SURE that this young guy is fertile. Well, there is no easy way to determine that. But statistically, over 95 per cent of younger males are capable of fatherhood. So it is highly probable that the young man has the capacity to be a babyfather.

Next, you ask how many times you would have to have sex with him in order to conceive. That is quite impossible to say. Just once might do the trick - if you made love on or near your ovulation day. However, it could be that you might have to have intercourse with him 20 or 30 times before one of your eggs is fertilised.

I must tell you that personally I think that to get pregnant in this way, and then to 'pass the baby off' as your husband's, would be a pretty crazy course of action. I say that for the following reasons:

It is not fair to your husband;

It is probably not fair to the young man;

Your husband may realise that the 'pickney' is not his - especially if it does not look like him!

In addition, conceiving a baby by your new friend would probably lead to all sorts of emotional problems for all three of you. For instance:

Your husband, who does not like children, may feel bitterly resentful that somehow he now has a baby in the house;

You may feel guilty about your adultery;

The young man may be very upset at the fact that he has been used as a sort of sperm donor.

Are you planning to dump him after you have conceived? If so, that would be quite cruel.

It seems to me that instead of trying to get pregnant, what you should do now is to rethink your life. Do you really want to go on with this dull, childless, and largely sexless marriage?

If not, then maybe you should talk to your husband about the possibility of a divorce. If you did split up with him, then you would still have many fertile years left in which you could have babies.

Who knows? You might even end up by marrying your pleasant young man!

Q My wife has just been put on hormone replacement therapy (HRT), Doc. Can we assume that this will keep her from getting pregnant?

A No way! HRT does not (repeat NOT) act as a contraceptive.

Q My doctor says that my virility might improve if I worked out regularly at the gym. Do you think that is true?

A There is a lot of evidence that if a man is slim and fit, that will have good effects on his virility. So I feel you should go ahead and join that gym!

Q Doc, I am thinking of taking that sterilisation thing, and having my tubes tied.

But a friend told me where she has read that the sterilisation operation makes the menses real heavy. Is that the case?

A No, it isn't. Over the last 30 years, quite a lot of medical textbooks have printed the statement that 'sterilisation makes your periods heavier'. But this is just NOT true. It is myth that was based on a miscalculation in a research paper.

So you can go ahead and have your tubes blocked without any fear that you will then have dreadful periods.

Q I am a 25-year-old man and recently I have formed a relationship with a widow, aged 45. I was a virgin till then.

But now I have developed a discharge from the penis, plus bad pain in passing urine. I went to a doc, and he said it was chlamydia, and gave me some treatment.

However, my lady friend says that she has never had any infection in her life. So what is going on?

A If you were a virgin when you met her, and you have not been with any other ladies since then, therefore, the chlamydia bug must have come from her.

Like many women, she probably did not know she was carrying it. But she should be given some treatment NOW to eradicate it from her body.

Q I am female, aged 35, and I have to undergo a gynaecological examination soon.

But will the doctor be able to tell that I have masturbated?

A No, she will NOT be able to tell. And she will not be interested either. Whether you have masturbated is of no relevance to your gynaecological condition.

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