I feel so ugly

Q. I feel like an ugly duckling. I do not like how I look. I have a big nose. I do not walk properly. I hate the shape and size of my body and, therefore, hate going to the beach, parties or to the gym.

When I look at other women, I feel inferior as they appear so well groomed and having nice bodies. I also feel people are looking and laughing at me based on my looks.

Only my best friend knows about my problem, and she does not think it is noticeable. In any case, she is not exactly a diva. What should I do?

First of all, you should stop measuring yourself against other women. God has made you with unique physical features, making you the person you are and to stand out. Comparing yourself is usually a futile exercise. You will either feel worse or better than others. It is better to accept yourself with warts and all.

There are some things you can change, and, if desirable, then change those. But there are some things you cannot, and you need to accept those things. You can change your physique through exercise to add/lose weight or to tone up muscles. If you do not like the arrangement of your teeth, you could go to an orthodontist and do corrective surgery. You might even go to a plastic surgeon to enhance breasts or reduce breasts. However, these adjustments can be expensive and you would need to decide whether it is the best use of money.

But even after the exercise programme/plastic surgery, you will not be perfect. Therefore, you will need to accept yourself even as you change those things that can be changed.

Accentuate

It is important to learn how to dress to accentuate the part of your body you like. This, however, does not mean trying to hide the part you do not like under layers of fabric or cosmetics. It means acknowledging the uniqueness of every part of you and displaying them in the best light.

Remember, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Therefore, some persons will admire you physically and others will not. You must be careful you do not become paranoid, thinking people are watching and laughing at you when they might be indifferent to you. In any case, as the Jamaican saying goes, 'man on a galloping horse will not see it and it is no foot walker's business.'

You are too self-conscious. You need to relax and enjoy life. In fact, has anyone ever said anything to you about the shape of your legs or body? If the answer is no, then it is time to quit worrying.

Chances are you are creating an idolised image about other women bodies which is not good or helpful. This could be what is triggering your low self-esteem. Instead, admire your body parts as gifts from God. Even a big nose makes you special and gives you a distinctive look.

In the meantime, go to the gym and swim, you will become healthier and fitter. This may help you to be less anxious about life. And please, hold your head high and smile with people you meet. Recognise you have a unique body, respect and honour it by taking the best care of it.

Life is too short to spend worrying about what you don't have. Instead, give thanks for what body parts you have, and you will always feel and look better.

Contact the counsellor at editor@gleanerjm.com.