Barbara Ellington, Lifestyle Editor
I survived one hour on the treadmill on Saturday, August 13 and at dinner that night, had five glasses of wine. Sunday through Wednesday I paid dearly. I bet my trainer will be surprised by that admission (but that's our little secret). At work last Monday and Tuesday, I felt like death warmed over: bloated stomach, knees, elbow and shoulder hurt, ankles swollen, head hurting, lethargic and just unfit for human interaction. All I wanted to do was sleep, and I did.
I skipped the gym until Wednesday, and my trainer noticed my barely alive demeanour and took me to her office. I told her everything, but left out the part where I had all that wine. I refused to go to the doctor, because, after all these years, I know they don't cure anything, they give you drugs that offer temporary relief so you have to feel more pain and return again, and again, and again.
Tamara sent me home on Wednesday, making me promise to stay away from crabs until Sunday and use my spin bike. I was also requested to report everything I eat every day to her. I tried the bike and it refused to spin so I did some floor exercises for 15 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes in the afternoon. The best part of this was that Cleopatra got on the floor with me and pretended to exercise too! I slept the rest of the day and felt better Thursday morning.
So far, I have concluded that gyms are highly overrated. When I was in high school, I was punished with several laps around the field weekly for not being able to learn any of the games. The poor teacher never found out that I stopped at the prep school to terrorise the children on their swings and slides. And nothing has changed, the only thing I like doing with sports is watching it.
So, it's not surprising that I'd rather vacation in Afghanistan than go to the gym four times a week. I am only doing this because I cannot afford liposuction or a tummy tuck. It is hard work to lose weight, so I promise myself to think seriously about every future bite. Eating right is not so bad, that is easier than working out. Plus, there are so many people calling and texting me to keep it up, I feel I have to do it to the death.
And best of all, some recently close-fitting clothes are starting to feel rather loose in places!
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