My hubby's dirty secrets

We had an open relationship and shared our secrets, our ambitions and our goals. I thought we hid nothing from each other. We knew each others' families well and knew the dark side of the families.

Now, I got the shock of my life when I discovered that my husband views naked women on the Internet. I just cannot understand why, because I still have a good shape and our sex life is great in my view. I confronted him about it, but cannot get any good reason for that action, though he has committed to stop engaging in pornography.

In that revealing session with my husband, he confessed to other secrets. He 'fessed up' that sometimes when he is with the boys, he spends more money than he should. This is also very disturbing because we are saving to buy a bigger and better house. This house would have more facilities and more comfortable.

But the straw that broke the camel's back was his admission to flirting with women at his workplace.

I am devastated and have considered leaving, but our young children have a fantastic relationship with my husband and they adore him. What should I do?

A: Based on the fact that you have a good relationship with him and the children have a good relationship with him, it seems that you have the foundation for a good, happy and stable family life. In addition, you are planning to get a more comfortable home which could facilitate a better family life. Furthermore, you are sexually satisfied.

He has stopped watching those naked girls on the Internet, which could be indicative of his sorrow and his respect for you and your displeasure over his actions.

You are worried by his actions and that he was doing these things without you knowing. It could be because he was ashamed and, in his twisted way of thinking, he did not want to hurt you. Some men view naked pictures on the Internet because of curiosity; and it is so accessible, just a click away. It is not necessarily a sign of dissatisfaction with you or the sexual relationship with you. Furthermore, some husbands get turned on more to their wives after viewing these pictures. Finally, some husbands will view positions and angles of these naked women that they would not ask their wives to do, out of respect for their wives. Perhaps, you could ask him what he desires of you, and you could pose for each other.

The flirting could be harmless fun. However, it could lead to charges of sexual harassment. Furthermore, it could go too far, or one person takes the comments too seriously. Again, it could be that his viewing of naked women and his flirting are indicative that he is a little bored and needs some spice in his life. You both need to work harder at the marital relationship and do more fun stuff together.

Obviously, he is spending more than he should in order to impress his friends. Paradoxically, it could be the same desire driving the acquisition of a bigger and better house to impress friends. He needs to be more responsible and spend only what he can afford to impress his friends. You need to budget together and allow each other space to spend on each other's hobbies.

You are experiencing a blip in your relationship which could be overcome by another frank and open discussion. If that does not work to your satisfaction, then consult a counsellor.

Contact the counsellor at editor@gleanerjm.com.