Sun | Nov 17, 2019

Doctor's Advice - Is my boyfriend gay?

Published:Saturday | March 10, 2012 | 12:00 AM

  • Is my boyfriend gay?

Q. I am female and I have been in a relationship with an older man for over a year now. My problem is this. On two occasions while I was in bed with him, he attempted to have anal sex with me. And a few other times, he fingered my anus. Could it be possible that my partner is bisexual, or, at worst, a homosexual?

A. Well, I think it is most unlikely that he is homosexual. Generally speaking, gay guys are not interested in going to bed with women, and the female bottom holds no particular attraction for them.

I cannot say whether your partner is bisexual, but there is no real evidence for this. The fact that he has made attempts on your behind does not suggest that he has any bisexual tendencies.

So why has he attempted to have rectal intercourse with you? The unfortunate fact is that these days, many men think that that is normal. They have mostly got this idea from pornography and from the Internet. Not long ago, a survey demonstrated that around a third of all heterosexual 'blue movies' showed young women being subjected to rectal sex. So a whole generation of younger men is growing up with the impression that it is perfectly OK to penetrate a girl's anus.

In reality, as I suspect you have discovered, rectal intercourse is extremely painful for the woman, at least for the first few dozen times. So it is not surprising that many females are not very keen on it. And it carries some health risks.

Common phenomenon

You also mention that your guy has been trying to touch your anus with his fingers. This activity is known by the French name of postillionage. These days, it is extremely common between heterosexual couples in America, France, and other countries.

Generally, people do it because they have discovered that there are quite a few erotic nerve endings in the anus. So touching that area may heighten their excitement. Sex experts say that some women are helped to reach orgasm by being gently touched in that area.

However postillionage is not acceptable to everyone. And it is vital to remember that people who do it will get germs on their fingertips. Sounds like you didn't enjoy it at all.

Summing up, I do not think that your current guy is homosexual or even bisexual. But it may well be that his sexual tastes are not yours. If that is so, then you may wish to look for a new relationship.

  • Does oral sex hurt?

Q. I am a female of 21, and my fiancé wants to give me oral sex in order to help me to orgasm. But I am afraid that it would be painful. Is this so, doctor?

A. Oral sex given by a man to a woman is called cunnilingus. It is not painful. If it is done skilfully and gently, it is quite an effective way of helping a female to discharge. However, I cannot actually guarantee that it will work for you. Please bear in mind that many young women do not learn to orgasm till they have been with a loving partner for quite a while.

  • Can masturabtion kill?

Q. Doc, I heard a rumour that a teenage boy had died because of excessive masturbation. Is that possible? I am fretting about this as I have masturbated.

A. You are referring to a news story which emerged from Brazil a few months back. Brazilian newspapers alleged that a 16-year-old boy had been found dead after masturbating 42 times in one night. This story rapidly went round the world and scared quite a few young men.

However, I am doubtful about this tale. First, on medical grounds, I would say that it is quite impossible for a male to masturbate to orgasm 42 times in a night. Second, I have never heard of masturbation doing any damage to a guy's health. These days, doctors believe that it is a harmless act. The idea that masturbation could kill you is ridiculous!

Third, there seems to me a big flaw in this news story. It is this: Who counted the 42 times? Presumably it wasn't the boy as he was dead. And it is unlikely that he told his family before he died that he had just done it 42 times.

My guess is that this poor young man died of natural causes. An alternative is that he hanged himself or committed suicide in some other way. I wonder if someone wanted to conceal the way he died and therefore announced that it was due to excessive sex? The story might have also been entirely made up. Anyway, you need have no fears. You are quite safe.

  • Pill concerns

Q. My doctor wants me to take the Pill continuously for three months so that I won't have a period during that time. Is this OK?

A. Perfectly OK. Nowadays, that is quite often done in cases where a young woman has very bad and distressing menses.

  • Pimples on penis

Q. Doc, I have a serious issue. My penis is not normal. You see, the skin of it has some small pimple-like things on it. I have very little sexual experience.

A. It is most unlikely that this is anything serious. From your description, I suspect that these spots may be what are called milia. These milia are normal for many young men. However, please let a doctor inspect your organ just to make sure that all is well.

  • Did I reach an orgasm?

Q. Is it possible that I can pass vaginal fluid during sex but without having an orgasm?

A. Like many young women, you seem to be a little confused about this subject. You should realise that in most females, orgasm is not linked with a sudden production of fluid. Vaginal lubrication is produced continuously while a female is sexually excited. But there is no link between fluid production and orgasm.

  • Waning strength?

Q. I am a guy of 22, and I am concerned that I don't get morning erections as often as I used to. Am I ill?

A. No, you are not ill. The fact is that morning erections are extremely frequent in the teenage years but become less common once one has passed the age of around 20. So you can quit fretting.

  • Fighting yeast

Q. What is the best treatment for a yeast infection, Doctor?

A. Well, you can buy anti-yeast remedies from pharmacies. But I think it is better to go to a doctor and get confirmation from her that you really do have a yeast problem. Usually, she will prescribe an anti-thrush cream called clotrimazole, plus a pessary (that is, a vaginal tablet) containing the same medication.

Also, I am a firm believer in the idea that you should ask your sex partner to use the cream as well since he is very probably 'carrying' the yeast. If these measures do not work, then there are other drugs, notably an oral capsule called fluconazole.

Finally, there are certain useful anti-yeast hygiene measures, for instance:

  • Avoid getting hot water near your private parts;
  • Do not use bubble baths or any chemicals in this area;
  • Avoid panties made of synthetic material, instead, keep to cool cotton;
  • Do not wear panty hose, which makes the vaginal area too hot.

Bloody affair

Q. I think that I have seen some blood in my seminal fluid when I climax. Can I ignore it?

A. No! This is a serious symptom and you must see a doctor right away for an examination of the testicles and some tests, including an ultra-sound scan. With luck, this problem may just be an infection, which can be rapidly treated. But you must take no chances.

Email questions to Doc at and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.