See me

RaeMor Speaks, Contributor

I sit still in the silence, watching you like a predator stalking its prey. The closer you get, the more edgy I become, impatiently waiting to pounce. As I grip the knife harder, the handle seems to vibrate in my hand as if it is trying to absorb some of my life force. Thoughts and memories flood my mind like water from a broken dam. You come closer and I can smell the scent of you, still so insanely intoxicating. I become frenzied like a hungry shark that smells blood.

You pick up the remote and start to make yourself comfortable. As usual, you don't see me; you don't notice that I am there. I throw the spare keys on the centrepiece so you realise that I am there. I observe the emotions flicker across your face, and smile. It is rather interesting to watch you struggling with words as I caress the blade of the knife, feeling the smoothness of the cold metal against my skin. It's not like you; you always seem to know what to say.

I see the fear in your eyes and I'm reminded of the fear I felt as you pushed me towards the door, the fear you saw in my eyes as I felt my world shifting from the course it was previously on. I had made you the centre of my universe and it was about to come crashing down on me, the same crushing fear that I felt when I thought I could not survive another heartbreak. I was reminded of the fear of having to start all over as I saw the determination to get rid of me in your eyes.

You try to plead with me but I don't hear you; it's pretty similar to how you didn't hear me when I said that I loved you and begged you not to do what you were about to. I laugh when you go down on your knees in an attempt to show me how sorry you are, in the same way you laughed when I tried to show you how much I cared.

I get up and kick away the chair, sending it crashing to the floor. With every step I take, I can see the panic building up. Coming to a stop just behind you, I can hear your shallow breathing. It sounds a lot like mine when the tears were about to fall.

I like the way you flinch when you feel the tip of the blade on the side of your neck. But instead of the piercing of the skin that you expected, you felt a gentle kiss and heard a whisper..

"I still love you.".

And then I was gone ...

I finally got you to see me and listen.