Dear doc: A Frustrated Wife
Q: Doctor, I am so scared because something has gone terribly wrong with my erections. It pains and my organ has started pointing downwards instead of upwards.
I went to my doctor, and he told me that I have 'chordee'. He is sending me to a specialist.
Can I be cured of chordee? And is this the same thing as Peyronie's disease?
No, chordee is not the same as Peyronie's. It is caused from a dramatic shortening of the tissues on the underside of the penis.
Some cases are congenital and, therefore, occur in young children. But when an adult male develops chordee, the usual reason is untreated long-term gonorrhoea ('the clap'). However, a few cases of chordee are due to circumcisions that were not done properly
Yes, I think there is a chance you can be cured. But you must see that specialist as soon as possible. He may give you some antibiotics to clear up any remaining gonorrhoea infection.
Also, he will probably recommend surgery to 'loosen up' the shrunken tissues on the underside of your organ. That should enable you to have pain-free erections once more.
Q: My husband has been away in England for two years, and is coming home in a few months. To be honest with you, Doc, during those two years, I have cheated on him.
It was once, and only once, with a much younger man. I have not seen him since.
I had a check-up and a Pap test earlier this year, so everything is ok medically. The doctor said I was free from infection.
But what I want to know is this: Is there any way in which my husband will be able to tell that I have had sex with someone else?
No, there is no way in which a man can tell that his wife has been unfaithful. It is unfortunate that this happened, but it sounds like you have got away with it. I mean that you did not become pregnant, and it appears that you did not pick up any serious infection.
From experience, I would not recommend that you tell your husband. This would probably be very distressing for him, and it would not do anyone any good.
But I feel that you should think deeply about where your marriage is going. Ask yourself why you slept with this younger man. If possible, you should have a few sessions with a good marriage counsellor.
And please bear in mind that it is not wise for a husband and wife to be apart for long periods of time. Again and again, that leads to cheating.
Q: I am a businessman in my early 30s, and I have to confess to you that when I am having sex with my wife, I keep thinking about her pretty sister. I imagine that I am making love to her rather than to my spouse.
I am ashamed of this, and do not understand why it is happening. Don't get me wrong, Doc: I am not in love with my sister-in-law. I have never flirted with her or kissed her, and she has never shown the slightest interest in me.
So I just want to straighten out my head.
Fantasising during sex is extremely common. Research has shown that when having intercourse with their spouses, around 60 per cent of men and women sometimes 'dream' that they are doing it with a different person. Commonly, they fantasise about film stars or sports personalities.
However, regular fantasising about one particular person is potentially harmful because it tends to make you 'fixated' on that particular image. Often, you may not be able to orgasm unless you think of that individual.
Therefore, you should make every effort not to think of your sister-in-law when you are having sex. If necessary, you could think of various world-famous cinema actresses instead.
But if you cannot get the image's of your wife's pretty sister out of your mind, then you should see a good therapist.
Q: I am a foreigner who is living and working in Jamaica. Since I am here, I have slept with a Jamaican woman and it was extremely good.
However, I now find that I have a disturbing itchy rash on the inside of both thighs, at the top. And the skin is flaking off too.
Is this some kind of sexually transmitted infection (STI)? I am very worried.
There is no cause for alarm. These are not the symptoms of any kind of STI.
What you describe suggests that you just have a fungal infection of the skin on the thighs, just next to the scrotum. That condition is extremely common in hot countries because of the fact that fungi love warmth and perspiration.
You should get your thighs checked out by a doctor here in Jamaica. He will almost certainly give you some anti-fungus cream to apply, several times a day for about a week. That will make the itch problem go away.
Send your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org and read more Doctor's Advice in the Saturday Gleaner.
A frustrated wife
Q: Doctor, I'm a 33-year-old married woman, and my sex life is good, except for one thing.
Whenever my husband and I are making love, I get very excited. But just as I am about to have an orgasm, my husband climaxes. Then he says, 'Thank you, my darling,' and rolls over and goes to sleep!
Personally, I think he may have 'premature ejaculation' because he never lasts more than four minutes. And that is certainly not enough for me, Doc. I am getting very, very frustrated.
What can I do, Doc?
You say that your husband never lasts for more than four minutes, but experts would argue about whether that constitutes true premature ejaculation (PE) or not. Frankly, there are many husbands who regard four minutes as quite adequate. But what is certain is that it is not enough for you.
Your husband must be aware that time and time again he is leaving you in a state of immense frustration! So my best suggestion is that you sit him down, show him my answer - and see what he says.
In my view, he should do two things:
He must make some effort to last longer. I doubt he needs to take any medication in order to achieve this. All he needs to do is make a conscious effort to slow down, while listening to your breathing to determine whether you are getting close to an orgasm.
He should try to use his foreplay skills in order to make you have an orgasm.
For instance, during sex, he could gently stimulate your clitoris with his fingertips.
Finally, he really should not 'roll over and go to sleep' as soon as he has finished. That is not very thoughtful behaviour! He should stay awake until he is sure that you are satisfied.