Tricked into sex

Q: I was recently tricked into having sex with my ex- boyfriend. I have two children with him. They are ages 11 and 9. He maintains them and is in a position to care for them. I was in a spot of financial bother with my business, so I went to his house, which I had not done for years, to borrow money from him because I did not want to go to the bank. When I asked him for the help, he said he wanted help also, meaning he wanted sex. I gave in after much talking. I slept with him and I got the money. I have not been with another man since we broke up. I felt cheap - as if I had sold my body. But to make matters worse, when I approached him for the usual money later that month for the children, he told me that he gave me the money when I went to his house. He even laughed. I felt tricked. This will cause hardship for the children. Do you think I should take him to Family Court for maintenance of the children?

A: Hopefully, you would have learned lessons from this incident. It was a bad idea to go to the house to borrow money from the father of your children. It would have been better if you had met in neutral territory, or if you had explained the request over the telephone. Going to his house exposed you to sexual exploitation. Furthermore, it could be that old fire stick easy to catch and you perhaps have some feelings for him, and so it was not primarily selling your body, but more like sexual intimacy for old time's sake. It could be that he was meeting a sexual need that you have. Perhaps deep down you were hoping to rekindle the relationship, therefore, your awful feelings have to do with you remembering why you ended the relationship - and you should have maintained it that way. It could help if you moved on and entered into another relationship while learning from the mistakes of the past relationship.

Additionally, it is better to borrow money from the bank than from a trickster. You should consider opening an account with a credit union or other places that help small businesses like yours.

It is understandable to feel cheapened if you sell your body, but even if that is so, you need to forgive yourself and realise the error.

Furthermore, your ex-boyfriend is no better than you because even if you sold your body, he is just as culpable because he has demeaned himself by buying sex. Sex is a gift from God and should never be sold like a commodity. It should remain an expression of committed love in an exclusive relationship.

Unless you have a receipt showing that the money you received was a loan and not for maintenance for the children, then it might be difficult to prove your case in Family Court. It is despicable that he should imperil his children for sex.

Hopefully, you will use the money wisely and be able to manage. In addition, you should try again to persuade him to give money for the children. If that fails, then warn him that next time, you will take him to Family Court. Chances of getting a favourable judgement from the courts after one month's missed payment would seem slim, but it is your call.

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