Dear Doctor - Attracted to an older man

Q.  Doctor, what can I do to spice up my marriage and sex life? I am 30 years old, and have been married for almost 10 years. My husband is a good man, but he is a little 'dull' in bed. He just doesn't seem to have much imagination. So he does it the same way every time. His 'routine' is: he gives me a kiss, strokes my breasts, puts me on my back and five minutes later, he orgasms and falls asleep.

Needless to say, I am bored and tired of this! There is an older man at my office who is very experienced in the ways of the world. He has taken me out for coffee a few times, and often gives me a lift in his car. I know he thinks I am attractive, and last week when I was in the passenger seat of his car, he leaned over and gave me a kiss on the lips. To be honest, the idea of going to bed with him is becoming more and more attractive. What should I do, Doc?

A. To start with, I urge you to cut all contact with this older man. If you continue as you are, you are going to wind up sleeping with him. So I suggest:

• You do not accept any more rides with him.
• Do not go for coffee with him
• At work, be polite but distant with him.

Now, I presume that you want to save your marriage. If so, then you must insist that your husband changes his habits.

So, sit down with him and discuss your sex life. He probably has no idea about how dreary it has become for you. Explain to him that in bed, women need variety and romance. He may not take this well at first. But I am sure that you can persuade him to see it your way. Tell him bluntly what you would like to experience in bed. Your 'wish list' might perhaps include:

• Lots of foreplay
• Use of vibrators or other sex toys;
• Prolong sex from five minutes to at least half an hour.
• An absolute ban on him falling asleep until he is sure you are satisfied.

I wish you well in saving this marriage, which is clearly in danger.

Q. I am a 35-year-old male and I am a little worried that I might have prostate problems. This is affecting my sex life. I would like go see a doctor about it, but I am scared. Is it true that in order to do a prostate check, they put a finger into your anus? And if so, why do they do that?

A. Prostate problems at 35 is unusual. Also, it doesn't usually cause problems with sex. But I do think you should discuss your sexual symptoms with a doctor. You ask about the medical examination of the prostate. Yes, doctors do this by putting a gloved finger into the anus. The prostate gland is immediately in front of the rectum. So the only way a doctor can actually feel it, and see if it is enlarged or excessively firm, is by feeling it through the rectal wall. This examination is really not too bad, so I don't think you should be scared.

Q. I am a female, 29 years old and I am a virgin. I have decided to give myself to a man who I really like. We have a date in a few weeks, and both of us know that it will conclude with me going to bed with him. But will it be very painful for me, Doc?

A. It shouldn't be, provided that you are relaxed. I think you should tell him that you are a virgin, and ask him to take it easy. Most importantly, you should get yourself some sex lubricant, and use a lot on your genitals, especially just before he enters you. Take care to explain to him that you are preparing yourself for him. There are many good sexual lubricants available these days. You can buy them via the Internet, but I am happy to say that a lot of Jamaican pharmacies now stock these products for sale over the counter.

Q.  Would getting circumcised improve my sex life?

A. It is most unlikely that taking this operation would improve your love-life. There is one circumstance in which it does make the experience better. That is the situation where the foreskin is too tight, and would not roll back when the man gets an erection.  Unless that applies to you, forget about the idea of circumcision.

Q.  Doctor, almost every time I have sex, I get very bad cystitis after. This is plaguing my life! What can I do?

A. Cystitis is mainly caused by one of two factors:

• 1. Bowel germs from the bottom finding their way into the woman's urinary passage and bladder;
• 2. Rough handling by the man of the area around your urinary pipe - which is just in front of the vagina.

So you should take great care to keep the area of your vaginal opening (that is, your vulva) very clean. Also, after using the bathroom, be sure to wipe backwards and not forward so as to push bowel germs away from the vagina. Make certain that your sexual partner's hands are clean, and that he is gentle in handling your delicate tissues.

You can get a lot more info about cystitis by researching the English 'urinary infection guru' Angela Kilmartin. Check out her viewsat: www.angelakilmartin.com/cystitis

Q. Ever since starting on my new blood pressure pills, I have lost my nature. I am only 33 years old, Doc. Are the pills to blame?

A.  Probably. Some 'pressure' medications do have this effect. So please ask your doctor to switch you to a next brand.

Q. I am a 29-year-old woman with a very exciting sex life. But in the last few weeks, I have been experiencing pain deep inside, just as the man reaches his final thrust. To be honest with you, Doctor, this has now happened with both men in my life. So am I just imagining it?

A. I am sure you are not imagining this. Deep pain which suddenly starts when a woman is in her late 20s or her 30s is almost always due to the recent development of some significant physical disorder, such as endometriosis. So you need to see a gynaecologist immediately. Do not delay.