He wants a quick marriage

Q. I am 30 years old and all my life I have been waiting for 'Mr Right' without success. Those persons who like me, I do not like, and those I fell in love with did not give me the time of day. It has been frustrating because I want to get married and...

A. I am happy that you have found your Mr Right. Perhaps your boyfriend wants a quick marriage because he is dating the relationship from the time he was your secret admirer some five years ago. However, you are perceiving the relationship as having started just a month ago. If you feel you need time to process this new, loving relationship, then it is your right to explain to him why you want time. It is a big step to move from friendship to marriage, but it is good to have a foundation of friendship on which to build. It does not necessarily mean that two good friends will make good marriage partners, but to have a meaningful and successful marriage one has to be good friends first.

You have many things going for the relationship. You are communicating well, you belong to the same congregation, and he has qualities which you admire in spite of the lack of the physical qualities you originally desired.

When you are considering the proposal, please ask what it says about him that it took him five years and a few broken relationships to muster the courage to tell you that he is in love with you. Also, is he rushing into marriage because he is unhappy at home, or is he responding to family or peer pressure to get married? Additionally, you might want to know more about the in-laws and how the two families might relate.

It might be helpful to talk with your pastor about the marriage proposal and you giving it active consideration. Furthermore, you and your boyfriend might want to explore with your pastor or marriage counsellor such issues as managing your finances, sexuality and sexual intimacy, how to keep the marriage alive and exciting, etc. It seems that if possible, you should meet his parents and he should meet your parents and he should tell them of his intentions.

If he is as in love with you as he says, he will wait on the answer while you sort out certain issues.

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