Q. I have a very big problem and do not know what to do. I am having a discreet affair with my friend's husband. I am able to have this secret affair because the three of us work together on projects; therefore, my friend does not suspect anything when I am alone with her husband. The painful part is that she is my friend and confides in me and has said on occasions that she is happy that her husband is a family man, cares for her and their children, and is faithful and attentive to her.
Indeed, he is a family man and provides for his family and cares about his three children. The children all went to good schools and studied overseas at his expense. He has never said to me that he would leave his wife, and I have never asked him to. The subject has never come up all these years.
I have a son from a previous failed marriage and he provides adequately for us. He likes my personality, which is bubbly. I am the life of the party and she is reserved and an introvert. She does not even like to go out and people will see us out together and think nothing of it.
I am thinking of ending the relationship, although he is a lovely person and a good provider.
AHopefully, his wife will learn not to swear about her husband and keep her eyes and ears open. You should end this extra-marital affair forthwith! This relationship is going nowhere. It is one of convenience. It is based on deceit. How can you call yourself a friend? With friend's like you, who needs an enemy? You have done a great disservice to your friend and you should be ashamed of yourself and seek to make amends by ending the relationship and never going down that road again.
And the husband is equally despicable to be having an affair with his wife's friend. He has no respect for himself, his wife, or his children.
Remember that three is a crowd and this marital affair is too close for comfort. And perhaps the wife is not as stupid as you feel but is perhaps sending you a message to leave her husband and let him be faithful by telling you he is faithful. However, even if she is not reading the signs, you have your dignity and integrity to maintain and should leave the people's marriage alone. You know what it is to have experienced a failed marriage and you should not wish it on anyone, or do anything to jeopardise anyone's marriage. Remember, there is no perfect crime and onlookers might be wiser than you think and realise what is going on between you and your friend's husband. And someone might go and tell the wife. There are many reasons to end this sordid affair. Do it now!
You claim to have a good and outgoing personality, so chances are ending this unhealthy relationship, which you cannot tell anyone about, could lead to other opportunities. You, therefore, must cease doing projects together and find other competing activities to engage in so that you have a legitimate reason to end the threesome projects.
Finally, you need to set a better example for your son. Children are very smart and discerning and he could be hurting by this affair. And, naturally, you would not want your son to be like your friend's husband. Please terminate the affair with your friend's husband!