Q.  I really hope you can help me because I don't know what to do. For the past 10 months, I have been dating a man who is 13 years older than I am. I love him so much sometimes I wonder if it is too much. Two months after we got together, he moved me and my young son from my home in Portland to live in St James. He put us up in an apartment because he lives with his wife.

I knew about her from the beginning and this led me to trust him because he didn't lie to me about it. He tells me that he loves me more than his wife, but he cannot leave his wife because she will take all his money and cars and it would be a disgrace in the community. I understood the situation, and even though it wasn't perfect, I was fine with it.

Everything changed the weekend after his 50th birthday. I caught him with a woman who is known to be very loose. It broke my heart. What was worse is that the woman started getting in my face saying that he did not love me and would soon want me out of the apartment. He did nothing to stop her.

I decided then that I would pack up, take my son, and leave, but I love the man too much. He apologised and said he was so ashamed of himself that he couldn't speak at the time.

It has been a few weeks since then, and he has been giving me lots of gifts to show that he is really sorry. I am so confused. People have been telling me that it's neither the first woman nor the last that he will have on the side. At times, I wonder if it's all my fault for getting involved with a man I knew would never be completely mine. Before this, he was always so good to me. He even pays for my son's school although he is not his child.

I am so confused right now. Should I forgive him and stay in St James, or forget about him and try to rebuild my life back home?

A.  As you have outlined, your married lover is a good provider for you and your son. However, he has serious faults and failings. In fact, what you have commended him for is a fault, that is, he told you up front that he was married and still wanted a relationship with you. He is arrogant and greedy. He wants to have his cake and eat it. And he wants to be in a position where you have to accept whatever treatment he metes out to you.

Apparently, he is not speaking the truth about what will happen if he leaves his wife. I do not see how he could lose all his possessions. The wife would be entitled to half the estate if there is a divorce. It is clear that he has no intentions of leaving his wife. And it should also be abundantly clear that he has no intention of changing his lifestyle as he is stealing love on the side with others.

RED FLAG

Obviously, he feels that money can buy women, love, and sex, and you have played right into his hands. It is a red flag that he did not stand up for you when his other lover was abusing you. Furthermore, he could be lying to you when he states that he loves you more than his wife. 'Mouth mek fi sey anything' so do not be carried away with sweet talk. He is a scoundrel!

You need to be careful about calling anther woman loose because you might be deemed loose by others. Furthermore, you need to examine your value system, which allows you to knowingly enter into a relationship with a married man. Are you in it for the material benefits? Are you a home wrecker? Or are you naïve to the ways of the world and men? You appear naïve to love this man so much when he has a wife. And you need to be independent of men for a livelihood. It is time to pack your bags and leave the apartment and rebuild your life. There is no future with this married man, only more pain and hurt.

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