Q : I am a single parent and my three children are a burden. It was a mistake to have these children because none of the three fathers are supporting them.When I had them I saw them as blessings from God but now they are burdensome. I want to give them up for adoption. The fathers of the children all did not want to use protection claiming that it 'killed the vibes'. Even the five-year-old is a problem and he will not listen to me. There was a time when the best thing was seeing them smile and I would be happy. However, with no financial support I cannot cope with my three children.

A: It is painful not to be able to care for your children that you brought into the world. It was good to learn that there was a time it was fulfilling and a wonderful experience to care for your children. That your heart was full of joy by the seemingly simple act of seeing a smile speaks to the joys of motherhood and your desire to be a good parent.

The comment that your children are a burden was unfortunate because children are gifts from God. Instead of calling children problem children, it is better to see them as children with problems which can be solved. Parents are stewards of God's creation and children ought to be perceived as both a privilege and a responsibility. It is sad that none of the fathers is helping with financial care and rearing of the children. They ought to be providing intellectual stimulation for the children. They ought to be teaching them right from wrong.

Blessing

It is a blessing to be involved in the birth of a child and child rearing. It is a blessing for the mother to witness and feel the baby moving and growing inside her. It develops a special bond between mother and baby. And then the delivery ought to bring joy to the hearts of both parents. And what greater joy can there be than to be part of the development of a baby and witnessing and participating in the various stages of development from baby to toddler, to puberty, youth, adolescent and adulthood? However, the reality is that child rearing can be a burden. It is a heavy responsibility and too many fathers are not living up to their responsibility. Some children can be demanding on one's time. Some children have difficulties and problems which can lead to frustration.

Child rearing has difficulties but you need help. You should take the fathers to family court so that the basic needs of the children can be taken care of. Perhaps you should ask relatives to help with the care of the children. Are you working? You need to work or get additional income. Contact a government agency and see if you are entitled to PATH subvention.

In the future, if you do want another baby, then protect yourself from pregnancy and sexually transmitted disease. You should also not let men determine the terms under which you will have sex. It is your call whether to offer the children for adoption.

Do not have an unrealistic expectation concerning the future in child rearing. It seems a long, hard road ahead.

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