Fri | Jun 22, 2018

Putting back the x in sex

Published:Monday | November 12, 2012 | 12:00 AM

Nashauna Drummond, Lifestyle Coordinator

Lack of sex in marriages is one of the main causes of divorce. This, according to pastor Carla Dunbar, preacher at the Orange Bay Church of God of Prophecy. The recently published 2011 Population and Housing Census, showed that between 2001 and 2011, divorces in Jamaica increased by 60 per cent.

In a November 4, The Sunday Gleaner article headlined 'Is a lack of sex causing divorces?' Dunbar notes, "Sexual frequency speaks to a healthy marriage ... (because) sex is a good glue."

According to sexologist Shelly-Ann Weeks, "Sex is the ultimate expression of intimacy and passion, and this is something reserved for that special person. The feeling of love, commitment and affection are communicated during this act and it solidifies the union. In addition to all the great benefits of orgasms, your sex life is a great ruler to measure the success of your relationship. So if the sex is good, it suggests that the overall relationship is on good terms, and vice versa."

Weeks told Flair that in a marriage, time constraints often act as a deterrent to sex. "In most marriages both partners have full-time jobs and one or both partners may be going to school. In addition, if there are children in the picture, they tend to take priority of the time that the couple have outside of work."

She notes that for a marriage to be successful, couples have to put effort into keeping the sexy in their relationship. She offered up these tips.

Invest in some sexy gear

Books, videos, toys, clothes, games, furniture, even tools. There are lots of options out there to add some spice to your sex life.

Role play

Have a carpet picnic and eat dessert off each other. Creating an indoor picnic gives the couple a chance to share a nice meal in a romantic way. They can be silly and play with each other, and the floor gives them space to cuddle. This is very easy to pull off.

Use technology

Let technology work for you (phone sex, sexting). Write love notes to each other. Phone sex allows you to verbalise your desires to your partner. Also, using technology is a way to get the foreplay started long before you actually see each other. This will get you excited so when you finally see your partner, you are already primed and ready to go.

Change location

Take the sex out of the bedroom. Many persons reserve lovemaking for the bedroom. Sometimes it is out of necessity because you have a large family. But often it's out of habit and socialisation. Resolve to take the loving out of the bedroom, even once a month. This can really add an element of excitement and fun, especially if you have been together for a long time. If you really want to get adventurous, you can get out of the house completely. Take it to the backyard! Just make sure you have fun with it.

Try something taboo

There are a lot of things that persons consider taboo in our society. From oral sex to masturbation, persons have hang-ups on quite a few things. Now is the time to take a closer look at something you might consider forbidden. You might discover that it is actually worse in your head. If you want to, try it.

Try new things in the bedroom

If you are not conservative and your partner is, it is going to be very difficult to find a common ground sexually. The best way to combat this hurdle is to communicate. Tell your partner your interests and compare notes. If you are on the same page or even in the same book, it will be easier for both of you to explore new things together.