Q. I have a dilemma. I have two women pregnant for me at the same time. They do not know about each other as yet. I am not sure which one to marry. The older woman has a child for me already. She also has an adult child, but we do not get along. The younger one is expecting her first child. I am thinking that it might be better to marry the young one because she is more educated. In addition, when I get old, she will be able to take care of me. The older woman would expect me to care for her in her old age. The problem is that I have been in a relationship with the older woman for a while, and my parents know her and like her. She has done many good things for me and took good care of me. She is, however, very jealous and miserable and I do not love her that much anymore. Should I go with my gut and ignore my parents and marry the younger girl?
A. You appear to be a selfish man. You want someone to care for you in your old age but you are not willing to do the same for a woman. Apparently, you do not realise that ill-health can come at any age and based on the marriage vows you would be expected to be loyal, true and faithful in sickness as in health.
In addition, you have not placed much weight on the older woman who cared for you. It appears that you are not only selfish but you are also ungrateful.
Furthermore, you do not appear very responsible in that you have two women pregnant at the same time. Why did you not use contraceptives? You are not engaging in safe sex and you are putting yourself and your multiple partners at risk. You need to control your sexual urges and not run after every skirt.
You are complaining that the older woman is jealous, but she has every right to be jealous because you have been unfaithful. Additionally, you are not showing any remorse for impregnating two women. You do not appreciate the enormous responsibility to care for two children with different women at the same time. It might not be long before the younger woman starts to be jealous when she hears about both pregnancies.
Why do you believe that any of these two women would want to marry you? I hope both would send you packing after they have discovered what you have done!
The opinion of your parents should be given respect concerning whom you should marry. However, the final decision is yours. The problem is not so much your parents' desire but whether you are ready to give unconditional love to either woman.
You need to examine your lifestyle and ascertain whether you are responsible to take on the lifelong, exclusive commitment of marriage. You are not ready as yet, and you need to become mature and start to give love and care.