Domino Awards are meant to make you laugh. If you suffer from any of these side effects - headache, constipation, verbal diarrhoea or anger - take two aspirin and call me in the morning.
The Dunce Award: Erstwhile (oops, sorry, current) Police Commissioner OWEN ELLINGTON wins for his repeated infractions of The Dunce's mantra, 'If a macca, mek it jook you!' Apparently unwilling to wait for trouble to trouble him, he went searching for 'macca' to 'jook' him. First, he charged to the podium brushing aside all due process requirements to announce a deputy mayor was a lotto scammer. Then, in what could easily become a sitcom named Sicknell, Vase and Fobbed Off, he produced a series of missteps and bad decisions of which an NFL replacement ref would be proud.
The Dunce Move of the Year Award
The buck stops at joint winners LISA HANNA and ROBERT BRYAN for featuring Justin Hinds and the Dominoes' politically partisan song 'Carry Go Bring Come' at Jamaica's 50th anniversary Grand Gala. Minimum research would've revealed the song was banned from airplay when first released and why. Come on, guys.
I can almost forgive Lisa because of her overabundance of youth, but Robert, of Grizzlies fame, should have known better.
The Beast Award
The Beast liked my sister from afar but feared trying to make her his 'beast' (ask your parents). Normally, this award goes to a journalist, but this year, Gregory 'Cowboy' Christie, himself a writer from the Dickensian mould, outdid all media nominees and wins for his obvious but creative yearning without ever asking for the impossible: a contract extension.
"Obvious?" you ask. Well, it's obvious to me. A public servant who doesn't want a new contract and hasn't been offered one usually waits for his contract to expire and leaves quietly. When one starts announcing, from more than a year out, that one's contract will expire and one does NOT want an extension; and then, although nobody objects, one repeats this mantra ad nauseam, that gentleman doth protest too much. Methinks.
My Journalism Awards
The Dunce Move of the Year Award in Journalism: Former CVM CEO, AL EDWARDS, cops the coveted award for his unbelievably crass confrontation with a junior staffer. Al, it's time to look in; look out; and try to look better.
The Dunce Award for Journalism
ORVILLE HIGGINS, man of many different arguments usually all on the same issue, wins without challenge. Orville argues final scores tell all (certainly which side played best). So, sports fans, no need to waste cash buying tickets for the game. Read the results in the next day's newspaper, and, like Orville, know it all.
It gets better. Although Orville argues the final score tells all, Orville also argues that Diego Maradona, a proven cheat and drug user, was a better footballer than Pele. On that argument, Orville's ultimate sporting hero must be Lance Armstrong. Pele scored 1,281 goals (77 in 92 games for Brazil), while Maradonna scored 349 (34 in 91 games for Argentina). Faced with those inconvenient stats, Orville argues that many of Pele's goals were bush league goals. This should mean some goals are better than others, which must mean that the side scoring the most goals in a game isn't necessarily the best side.
Brace yourself, Orville. Macca incoming from everywhere! Soon, sitting down to present your peculiar brand of illogic could become as unbearable for you as it has long been for listeners.
Finally, three serious awards
Rising Star Journalist of the Year: Young George Davis scores for his outstanding scholarship (far in advance of his tender years) and his consistent determination to improve. The breadth of his vision; the variety of his interests; and the versatility of his talents set him above all others of his generation. Here's hoping that this isn't the kiss of death it seemed to be to both previous winners. The 2010 winner Devon Hunter's radio show was cancelled. And 2011 winner Din Duggan promptly stopped writing his excellent column.
Journalist of the Year: ELON PARKINSON has blossomed at CVM's 'Live at Seven' into a top-notch host. He's the epitome of how to calmly apply intellect to achieve balance.
Personality of the Year: As an MP, JULIAN JAY ROBINSON is a breath of fresh air. A 21st-century man, despite his frequent riding of a bicycle around his constituency (no new SUV), he uses social networks to circulate important news items to constituents and report his whereabouts (often at educational seminars/ conferences). He's headed to the top.
Peace and love.
Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Email feedback to email@example.com.