Fri | Oct 21, 2016

He 'touched' my daughters!

Published:Wednesday | January 2, 2013 | 12:00 AM

I have been married for eight years. When I got married I already had two daughters aged seven and nine.None of the fathers was taking care of my daughters. My husband- to-be was a good provider to them. He was very wise, fatherly and, as an older man, he was very understanding. He is self-employed and does well at his business. We had good sex in the early days of the marriage but in the last 12 to 15 months he has fallen off shape, and I told him that he has erectile problems, and I repeatedly told him to go to the doctor. I have been sexually frustrated and have said some unkind and harsh things about his sexual performance or lack thereof. Recently, I discovered that he has been having sex with my daughters. He confessed and told me that he has strong erections for my daughters. I work late and long hours while my husband is home early. He claimed that he was playing with one of my daughters and he noticed that he was getting back his strong erections, and one thing led to another. He claimed that he has not had sex often, just three or four times with either and at no time did he have to force himself on them. He has asked for forgiveness and for us to let bygones be bygones. My daughters did not tell me about their encounters with their stepfather, and there are no signs of adverse personality problems. In fact, they are doing well at school. Should I forgive him since I was harsh on him?

Your husband has been a good provider before you got married and since you got married. However, he has committed a grievous crime. He needs to exercise self-control in matters concerning sex with his stepdaughters. Sex with stepdaughters should be way off limits. That he was sexual aroused while playing with them shows what was in his mind. He should have been protecting them against sexual predators, and he betrayed their trust and abused their innocence. He cannot claim that he engaged in consensual sex with his stepdaughters. Perhaps they did have sexual intercourse with him out of fear or misplaced respect. It could be that they feared you would not believe them or that he would stop being a good provider, or he might leave you.

Obviously, you now recognise that you should not have been so harsh and insensitive to his erectile dysfunctions. However, this is no way to prove that he could still perform sexually. He has committed a crime. Your 15-year-old cannot have consensual sex. And the law requires you to report your husband based on the evidence you have. To do otherwise will leave you open to be charged with aiding and abetting a crime after the fact. In fact, the deadbeat dad can cause much trouble if he finds out about the sexual encounter and report both of you or try to bribe you. You should forgive him by not hating him and then report him to the law-enforcement authorities.

You need to talk to your daughters and need to be closer to them, so that if ever they should be molested sexually then they would tell you quickly. The bond between you and your daughters needs to be stronger. Furthermore, you need to get professional help for your daughters. Finally, you are thrown between love of husband and love of your daughters. You need to make the right choice.