Fri | Aug 26, 2016

Will he marry me?

Published:Tuesday | January 8, 2013 | 12:00 AM

Dear Counsellor,

I have been in a relationship for seven years. I think it is good, but I thought he would have proposed to me by now. I am getting the seven-year itch and wondering whether he will marry me. I get along well with his parents and siblings and am invited to Christmas gatherings and other family and special events. They all seem to like me. He assures me that I make him feel good and special. He does not compare me negatively with his mom, who is an excellent and accomplished person. He is my first boyfriend and I really love him. We have good times together and we talk about many things including sports, politics and religion.

He confides in me about work problems and tells me that suggestions I have made have helped him at the workplace. He has many married friends and his closest male friends have got married in the past four years, but still he has not proposed. The nearest I have gotten to a proposal is when he says he was thinking of moving in at my place. I am a successful professional with a nice, spacious house. We do have our occasional differences. I am more touchy-feely while he is reserved, especially in public. I would like to get married and have children, but I have not had a proposal and I did not think I should raise the issue. I want to know, will he marry me?

I cannot tell you whether he will marry you. However, what I can tell you is that you have a good relationship which has the potential to be blissful in marriage. You are communicating well on a variety of topics, including explosive issues, and you appear to be enjoying those conversations. You have a good relationship with your prospect in-laws and he appears proud to take you to significant family gatherings. Obviously you are the number-one lady in his life. And that he perceives you as a confidante is awesome and that he is comfortable and confident enough to credit you for help is remarkable.

That you have a different personality as it relates to open affection is not a serious problem. Perhaps his family orientation is different from yours or he lacks the self-confidence to openly express his love before strangers.

It is worrisome that he wants to move into your house. Normally, it is expected that the man would provide a crib. And even before he has proposed, he wants to move in. He needs to show more respect and financial independence. Sharing your house space should only come after a decent marriage proposal and a public commitment to love. Perhaps he is a person who is afraid of total commitment and he sees moving in as a sort of 'testing the waters' as to whether marriage will work. You need to ask him about marriage and your desire to have children. Say no to moving in until he has committed his life to you publicly. Tell him you are not interested in any dress-rehearsal marriage. You want the real deal!

There is nothing wrong with raising the issue of marriage. Perhaps he feels you are comfortable in the relationship as is, and you are not in any hurry to get married and start a family. Tell him you have a good thing going with him and you would like to take it to the next level, that is marriage.

Hopefully there will be wedding bells in the air for you.