Wed | Jun 20, 2018

Doctor's Advice - My boyfriend says he's no 'sex machine'

Published:Saturday | January 19, 2013 | 12:00 AM
  • My boyfriend says he's no 'sex machine'

Q. Doc, could you give me good advice about my boyfriend? We are both 21, and I love him very much and he says he loves me. We have been having intercourse for around a year. It is always great. But there are some nights when I badly want to have sex, and he tells me he is too tired. He says he is not a machine.

I can't understand this, Doc. I just wish we could do it every night, because I love him so much. What I am beginning to think is that maybe he has some other girl somewhere. He works at an office in Spanish Town all day, from nine till around six, so it would be easy for him to slip out and meet some other young lady.  What do you think, Doc? Is he cheating on me? And are there any ways in which I could tell whether he has been playing around?

A. To be honest, I have quite a lot of sympathy for this young man. Sounds like he is working hard at a job which occupies him from nine till six each day. Maybe there is also some travelling time to and from work. So he has every reason to be tired.

But when he gets home at night, you want him to have sex with you. Indeed, you would really like him to do it every night. That would be pretty unusual, even in a young man of 21.

Honestly, I do think you are asking a little much of him here. People who work long hours do get tired. And when a guy is tired, it can be quite difficult for him to raise an erection. Remember that a woman does not have the problem of having to get erect - so she can have sex at any time. But a man does have to produce a stiff organ if he is going make love!

So I do not feel that this poor young fellow is 'playing away'. I very much doubt if he has the energy to slip out of the office during the day, in order to go to bed with some other woman!

Now, it may be that you are a little more highly-sexed than your boyfriend is. If that is true, it could cause some long-term problems in your relationship.

But for the moment, I think that you just need to be a little more understanding with him. Please accept that there will be some evenings when he just does not have enough energy to penetrate you. If you are really desperate on those occasions, why not ask him to just engage in petting with you. That should not be too tiring for him.

Finally, you ask whether there is any way in which you could detect that he has been with another girl. Really, there isn't. But obviously, if you found lipstick on his shirt, or suspicious stains on his pants, that would be another matter.

  • Why am I 'ballooning'?

Q. I am a guy of 18 and I am very worried about my foreskin. Whenever time I pass urine, it sort of balloons out, Doc. This has been so all my life. Until recently, I did not realise that other males are not like me. I was astonished when I saw some guys in a toilet, and observed that they produced powerful streams. I do not.  What is wrong with me, Doctor? P.S. I have not had sex yet.

A. Well, at the moment, I think you might find it a little difficult to have sex, because you clearly have a condition called phimosis. This means that your foreskin is far too tight, so that there is only a little hole at the end of it. That is why it balloons out when you try to urinate.

It is almost certain that you need to take a little operation, either to loosen the foreskin or to remove it altogether (which is circumcision). You must see a surgeon-specialist as soon as possible.

  • Where's the love?

Q. I am a 19-year-old female living near May Pen. I have been talking to a guy for three months now, and I am deeply in love with him. For some reason, I seem to be the one who is fighting for this relationship to work. He is jealous and insecure. He doesn't trust me, and he gets upset at just about everything. After we have a bust-up, we do talk things over and then get back to normal. But I feel like he doesn't care about my feelings. So, though I love him, it seems like I am getting crazy!  What's your suggestion, Doc?

A.  Love is supposed to be delightful and joyous. It is supposed to be something that occurs between two people who respect and adore each other, and who get on well together so that they are happy in each other's company.

That is clearly not what is happening here! You two seem to be having a lot of trouble together, and I am doubtful if counselling or any kind of medical intervention would help.

In short, I think you should prepare yourself for the fact that your relationship with this guy may not work out. Although you probably don't want to hear what I am about to say, the truth is that there are millions of other young men in the world. And many of them would make better partners for you than this guy does.

  • Menses mystery

Q. I am 16 and female. Doc, I haven't seen my menses yet. Every month my belly swells up, and I get pain. But no blood arrives. Why is this, please?

A. I strongly suspect that you have a condition called imperforate hymen. You are probably aware that all girls have a thin membrane in the vagina called the hymen, also known as the virgin's veil. This gets broken when the female first has sex.

Normally, it should have a small hole in it, to let the menses come through. But in a few teenage girls, there is no hole, and so the period just gets 'dammed up' behind the hymen each month.

Please see a doctor. She will examine you, and check out the hymen. If there is indeed no gap in it, it will be easy for a medic to cut through the membrane, and thus cure you.

Email questions to Doc at and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow..