Wed | Jun 20, 2018

SUNDAY SAUCE: Of Jamaican gods and goddesses

Published:Sunday | January 20, 2013 | 12:00 AM

Oxy Moron, Contributor

I was really flattered to learn that this little rock on which I, Oxy Moron, reside could soon become the 'Greece of the Western Hemisphere'. Wow! We are really likkle, but tallawah!

Yet, I'm not really surprised because Greece and Jamaica have always been similar in many ways. Like Greece, we have fabulous myths and legends; a history of slavery, wars and conflicts, and financial meltdowns; renowned scholars, painters, sculptors and nude statues, and notable philosophers.

And over the past four years, we have taken the Olympic spotlight from Greece; we are the symbol of athletic prowess. But, the most striking similarity is that we have our own pantheon of goddesses and gods, the immortal men and women leading the nation to this most enviable of status.

At the helm is 'Mama', the epitome of charm and charisma. Full of an abundance of love for the poor, she is the Goddess of Love, Acting, Kisses, Hugs and Work. Always working, working, working, and avoiding, avoiding, deliberately avoiding the news.

Just a notch below the Goddess of Love, etc., is the God of Debts and Taxes, the clueless keeper of an almost empty coffer. Once a rival of the Goddess of Love, swords as sharp as those of Damocles are now hanging over his financial head. With no deal yet on the table, he hopes the swords are just a fable.

In another world, he was the God of Finance. Now, the man with the Satanish countenance will not be bullied, while the nation over which he is mandated to serve and protect cowers in fear. He's the God of National Insecurity and Arrogance.

Her beauty at the end of her youth is surpassed only by the Negril sunset. She is the Goddess of Beauty, Youth, Culture and Salt. She has been struggling ever since her ascent to the status of immortality, with the jubilee bangarang and all that. And to ward off some of the crises and crosses (suicides and attempted suicides included) besetting her realm of youth and culture, salt was recently sprinkled therein, causing much scare and alarm.

Anytime you want to see the God of Congeniality and his lesser immortal, the Jamaican Narcissus with long, flowing hair, go to the hospitality and social pages, their sacred abodes.

The God of Food, Fisheries and Fat is bursting out of his breeches. But not to worry, hard times are upon us, and only the fittest and the fattest will survive.

greatest enigma

The God of Poor Transportation, Shabby Works, and Glorified Tenement Houses is credited with the greatest enigma in the modern world, a financial earthquake and volcanic explosion of Grecian proportions it was. The ashes are still burying the FINSACed ones.

The Goddess of Propaganda and Denial has a nauseating disposition called naïveté. Yes, she who had denied Mama's bailout-like-Greece utterance. But, Lawd Geesas, Mama's prayers might soon be answered, notwithstanding.

Below the gods and goddesses in the upper echelon domain are the God of Education, Media Hogging and Piety; the God of Health Scares; the God of Justice Delayed; the God of Water Shortage, Idle Lands, Environmental Degradation and Global Warming; the God of Low-Paying Labour and Social Insecurity; the God of Power, Oil and Mining; The God of Low Government and Community Underdevelopment; the God of Little Industry, Investment and Commerce; the Goddess of Photo Opportunities with Sports Stars; and the God of Foreign Affairs and Foreign Trade With Greece.

And I feel so left out. I, Oxy Moron, would love to be a god myself. But since I am not worthy of sitting among the Goddess of Love, etc., and her pantheon, I can only dream of being called The God of the Bitter and The Sweet.