You don't just happen upon a place like Content Gap in rural St Andrew. No, sir. Getting there is a military-grade test of your mental fortitude and physical durability. If the long drive doesn't get you, the potholes and narrow roads most certainly will.
So when you do get to Content Gap, the only sensible thing to do, really, is stay a while. What's the point of rushing off after such a hassle? Well, in theory, this works. In practice, though, a few caveats may well be included. You want to be sure, for instance, to choose your company wisely. Advice like this would have been useful to me on my last visit.
Through circumstances that I would rather not recount in detail, I ended up spending my time in Content Gap with a mildly pungent fellow I will, for the purposes of this story, call Jack.
Now Jack at first appeared to be a random straggler, a wastrel wasting the hours away by the side of the road. But for some reason, he and I started chatting, and since there was nobody else around, I decided to take him up on his offer to be my unofficial guide.
"Mi know dem place yah, man. Mi know dem place yah wicked wicked," said he. We walked around for a while as I snapped a few photos of the magnificent view. The mountains are a splendid sight and make the tedious journey to the area worth it. The air is crisp when you're that high and the silence is calming.
The trouble I faced was that Jack would permit only minimal silence.
"So, bossy, when yuh teck dem pitchka yah now, yuh couldn't like, teck me inna dem and pay mi a smalls?" he asked.
I responded in the negative. He paused only briefly. "So like, ef mi carry yuh camera and dem ting deh, yuh woulda like, tell people seh is me tek di pitchka dem?"
Again, I told him no.
The man pouted. At this juncture, I assured him that if he had something, anything else to do, I would be more than able to get by on my own.
"No man, bossy. Is me and yuh rolling, man. Me and yuh, bossy," he said. Just what I needed.
To give him his due, Jack is a man of his word, for every step I took, there he was - me and him all the way.
"So hear wah now, bossy. When man teck pitchka ah dem place yah, yuh nuh feel like seh dem fi lef a smalls wid di people dem who live 'bout di place?"
I glared a menacing glare, hoping beyond hope that this fellow would get the message and leave me alone.
"Bossy, yuh shoes ah get dirty, man. Meck mi brush dem off fi yuh, bossy," he said and went straight for my feet with a rag he pulled out of his pocket.
I told him in no uncertain way to unhand me and to be on his way. The man merely chuckled.
"Is alright, bossy. Me and yuh is rolling."
I suggested that he roll one way and I would roll the other, but again, he only laughed.
"Cho, bossy. Yuh too full ah joke," he said.
By now I just wanted to leave. Content Gap is seemingly a spectacular place, but they would do well to better their selection of welcoming personnel. It took a bit of manoeuvring to wrangle myself away from Jack's unwanted company, but when I did, the winding journey home was actually a great relief.
Where should Robert go next? Let him know at firstname.lastname@example.org