Q: My son's father and I were together for 10 years and, during the ninth year of the relationship, I became involved with another guy. My reason for doing this was the fact that he somehow lost interest in me. I lacked attention. We decided to call it quits and I became steady with the new guy, and he was in a relationship as well. Even though we were seeing other people, we couldn't stay away from each other. We eventually decided we would get back together.

Our son is six years old and we both adore him. My son's father is really eager for us to move in together and start a new life. I can't help but think history may repeat itself. I called off the relationship I had with the previous guy. Do you think I am doing the right thing, moving in with him? I think we might need counselling. I really want this to work out.

A: You are right that history could repeat itself if you return to the father of your child. Since it was a mutual decision to call off the relationship, it is a sign that it is not only you who were dissatisfied, but he was dissatisfied as well.

You need to know why he wanted to end the relationship. In addition, you need to know why he wants to restart the relationship.

As noble as it is to say you both adore the offspring of your union, that is not a good enough reason to be in an intimate relationship. You need to base it on mutual love, admiration and respect.

That you are wondering whether history will repeat itself is a sign that you are not sure he has changed, and you might again lack attention and he might lose interest in you after a short while, and then you might seek solace in the arms of another man.

If you are going to re-enter this relationship, you need to be sure he will appreciate you and spend quality time with you. Otherwise, it will be the same old same old.

You made a drastic step by getting involved with another guy while you were friendly with your son's father. That you did not break off with your son's father first, before starting with the other guy, shows that you want to have your cake and eat it, or you are indecisive or fickle.

Now you have ended the relationship with the other guy, and are contemplating a return to your son's father, tell me, if it does not work out with your son's father, would you consider returning to the other guy? I hope not.

You need to move on and find your Mr Right. Generally, it is not a good idea to go back, after ending the relationship with one guy, to return to an old intimate relationship. It might just be too much baggage for you and your son's father to handle.

A fresh start with someone else could be good. It is not a good idea to move in with your son's father again.

You need counselling to deal with how easily you seem to change from one person to the other.

Furthermore, if you decide to go back to your son's father, you should get some serious counselling before moving in with him again.

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