Oxy Moron, Contributor

Mama and Papa are in the "throes of an economic crisis", so on Monday night last, Mama and Papa publicly told their children on national television that "we are all in it together". Really now, Mama and Papa, really? I'm sorry, but I am not staying, and you still gonna have to love me.

Now, to the United States Embassy I am heading, because when their ship of state goes down like the Titantic, I am not going to be on it with them singing Nearer My God to Thee.

I am going to greener pastures, where the money is green, streets are paved with gold, banners are spangled with stars, and where diamonds sparkle from Kanye West's mouth.

And speaking of Kanye West, I laughed the other day until I fainted when I read that he wanted all the pictures of him performing in a custom-made leather skirt removed from a certain database. The man Obama once called a jackass was at it again. The 'jackass' in a leather skirt was now really making an ass of himself.

Anyway, back to Mama and Papa. Mama is in a muddle and Papa is in a pickle. I really wish them the best. When I get to the States, I will send them a get-well-soon card. When I get to the States? But, first I need a visa. What a dilemma I am in. I'm no entertainer, no police officer. Here I am sucking salt through wooden spoon, so where am I going to get money from to bribe embassy officials with Movado watches, pants and shirt, blouse and skirt, shoes and boots?

But, there has to be a way out, for based on what I heard, this here ship is certainly going down. And from the sleepy look on Mama's face when 'Man of Yard' was ranting and raving in her house on Tuesday, trouble is brewing.

Lord! Lord! Lord! Where do I go? Where do I run? Kanye, my mentor, my hero, my idol, send me some Movado watches, any number will do. I have to leave. And I promise you I won't publicly thank you on radio. I am not an idiot, nor am I a fool.

As for Obama, I am going to meet with him upon my arrival, and demand that he withdraw the asinine comment he made about you. Also, a bonfire I shall make of all those pictures of you in your leather skirt. And for all the bitter things I said about you over the years, I am really sorry. The Devil in me made me do it. But, with Mama and Papa, I just can't tarry.