Dear Counsellor,

My husband has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and is on medication. He gets angry easily and has problems dealing with people. He has a job and is a good husband. I make sure that he takes his medication and eats healthily. He exercises and tries to manage his stress level. Whenever he gets sick, he becomes violent, and the children are afraid of him. He takes his medication and keeps his appointments.

- Monica

Dear Monica,

It is marvellous that your husband is taking his medication and keeping his appointments. This shows that he has some insight into his health issues. You need to discuss his temper with him. You need to accompany your husband to see his psychiatrist so that you can tell the doctor about the anger problem. He will require counselling to deal with his temper.

People have their trigger points, and when their buttons are pressed, they will become angry. Ask your husband about his trigger points. Let him tell you what makes him see red. Ask him about the things that make him happy. Talk to him about the help that you can give him.

Anger management and stress management are essential for individuals with bipolar disorder. His mood stabiliser may need to be increased so that he is calmer and less reactive. Encourage your husband as he deals with his anger. Explain your husband's illness to your children. It would help if you could take the children for counselling to help them cope better.

Children need guidance and support and plenty of love. Children love their parents and are concerned about them. Children of parents with chronic illnesses have a challenging situation. They worry about the death of parents, and they are also concerned, about who will take care of them.

Mental illness, like other chronic illnesses, can be controlled, and individuals can live fulfilling lives.

I need parenting help

Dear Counsellor,

I would like some parenting tips on improving mother-child relationships.

- Sharon

Dear Sharon,

Parenting is a rewarding but challenging activity. Children are quite diverse, and except for identical twins, no two children are the same. They may have similar temperaments, but you have to tailor parenting to each child.

Try to set aside time on a regular basis to do something fun with your child. Never disagree with your spouse about discipline in front of the children. Never give an order, request, or command without being able to enforce it at the time. Be consistent. Reward or punish the same behaviour in the same manner as much as possible. Agree on what behaviours are desirable and which are not. Agree on how to respond to undesirable behaviours.

Make it as clear as possible what the child is to expect if he or she engages in the undesirable behaviour. Make clear what the undesirable behaviour is. Look for gradual changes in behaviour. Don't expect too much. Praise behaviour that is coming closer to the desired goal.

Reward desirable behaviour as much as possible by verbal praise, touch, or something tangible such as a toy or money.

Remember that your behaviour serves as a model for your children's behaviour. Discipline should be firm, fair, and friendly. Rather than tell them what not to do, teach and show them what they should do. Be a good listener. Use good eye contact. Use a soft, confident tone to redirect them when they are upset.

Make sure that they understand directions. Have them repeat them back to you. When possible, give choices of when and how to comply with a request. Try to see a situation the way your children do. Listen carefully to them. Try to form a mental picture of how it would look to them.

Email questions and feedback for Dr Yvonnie Bailey-Davidson to yvonniebd@hotmail.com or call 978-8602.

Let's talk

LIFE