Q: My sister who is in her early 30s is addicted to married men and she is not willing to stop her relationships with them. She is a successful businesswoman, although she did not finish high school and has no certification. In fact, her siblings all have degrees or diplomas, but none of us has seen the kind of money she has. Her first married man took her for a ride. She spent thousands of dollars on him, including buying a car to operate as a taxi and giving it to him.

When that married man left her, she entered into another relationship with a married man and he too got money from her and he left her when she became pregnant for him. The child is a lovely boy. And now she is in a relationship with another married man and she has a child for him. She is supporting him too. I asked her if she will always be in a relationship with a married man and to my shock and horror she said yes.

Not a healthy environment

I do not think this is a healthy environment for her son and daughter. In spite of the money she is making, she is still living in a rented house. The family is upset with her because of the serial relationships with married men. What can I do to change her?

A: It is good that you are concerned about the behaviour of your adult sister and concerned about the welfare of your nephew and niece. However, you need to appreciate that you cannot change her. She has to want to change and you can guide her along that path by giving suggestions and encouraging her to explore options. Your first step is that you need to try and understand your sister's actions.

Sometimes women enter into an intimate relationship with married men in order to get financial rewards. However, that is not the case with your sister who is financing them. Apparently, she is attracting some scumbags. It could be that she is suffering from self-esteem problems because she has not been formally educated. It is possible that it gives her a thrill to be able to take away another woman's husband. Probably she feels a sense of accomplishment in having a married man. In addition, she might be trying to use the money to attract them and hold them, but she is failing to see that the strategy is not working because they take the money and eventually leave her worse off.

Additionally, it is possible that your sister is afraid of commitment. She does not want a long-term committed relationship, and married men give her love and sex without the commitment. However, she sends another signal by wanting to enter into many different relationships with married men as if she is looking for a long-term relationship.

May confuse the children

As you have observed, it is not a healthy situation for her children. It is a bad example and can confuse the children's moral compass of being able to discern what is right from wrong. However, it must be noted that although children endure dysfunctional families it does not mean that they will be dysfunctional as adults. But it would be a good idea to offer to keep the children on some weekends to give them a release from this toxic environment and enable them to see and experience another family lifestyle.

Perhaps your sister, in her twisted way, is searching for love. However, you need to point out to her the damage she is causing the wives and the potential damage she can cause her own children when they realise they are products of an illicit relationship.

Continue being a supportive sister and nudge her every now and then to an alternate lifestyle.

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