Dear Doc

Published: Sunday | May 26, 2013 Comments 0

Dear Doc, I love my wife and I want to stay married. We have had our ups and downs over the years, and once or twice she has gone to the country to spend time with her mother while both of us cooled down. I know she loves me and we want to spend the rest of our lives together.

But last month, I did something very foolish. It was after we had a fight and she left. The second night she was away, I went out and had a few drinks. I met a woman I have encountered socially a few times.

We started talking and we got along very well. At the end of the evening, she got into my car, and we started kissing. One thing led to another, Doc, and the result was that we removed some of our clothes.

I want to tell you that I did not have sexual intercourse with her. But we did do just about everything else. She performed oral sex on me and I had an orgasm. And I made her climax several times.

When I dropped her off at her house, she kissed me goodnight, and then said, 'We must do this again some time.' Next day, my wife came home, and all was sweet between us.

In fact, we are very happy. She does not know about what I did with this other woman. But what has me worried is that, although I did not actually have intercourse with this woman, does it count as adultery? And could my wife divorce me for that, if she found out? Also, could I have caught anything that night?

Well, like many other men, you got carried away while under the influence of alcohol.

To answer your question, what you did with that woman is not technically classed as adultery. But you went so far with all that petting, including the oral sex, that I suspect the courts would take it into account as grounds for divorce.

As it relates to the medical aspects of your story, it is unlikely that you have caught anything. But if you are concerned, you could always have a check-up from your doc.

Now what are you going to do now? The first thing is to never see this woman again. Meeting her could spell big trouble.

Also, although your marriage obviously has some strong points, and you say that you and your wife love each other, there have clearly been signs of strain lately. Having a row that is so bad that she has to go off to the country is a symptom of real marital stress.

Therefore, I strongly suggest that you ask your wife to accompany you to have a few sessions with a marriage counsellor. If she asks why, tell her that you want to bring an end to the issues that have been threatening your marriage.


My doctor changed my brand of Pill recently, and since then, I just don't seem to be interested in sex. Could it be because of the new type of Pill, Doc?

Yes. Most of the time, the Pill does not affect sexual desire. But sometimes a change in brand makes a woman not interested in sex or makes it difficult for her to discharge.

You don't say why your doctor changed your Pill, and maybe there was some good reason for it. But there are a lot of other types of Pill available, and I am sure you should ask the doctor to switch you to another one.

I have been taking Viagra for about six months, and it has always worked very well. But last Saturday, I took one after a great dinner and it did not seem to work at all! This has me worried, Doc. Is the effectiveness of the pills wearing off?

That is most unlikely. Probably the nice dinner you had simply made it difficult for the drug to 'get through' and find its way into your bloodstream. That happens quite a lot with Viagra.

Generally, these tablets should be taken either on an empty stomach or after a very small meal. Otherwise, they are kind of trying to 'fight' their way through the meal you have just eaten.

So please try Viagra again soon, but this time on a fairly empty belly.

I am planning to get married to a beautiful woman later his year, but we have not had sex yet. What I have not told her, Doc, is that when I am with a woman, I just cannot reach a climax. I get a good erection, but I go on and on for a couple of hours, and never discharge. Help!

You have a well-known male condition called 'delayed ejaculation'. This often makes it impossible for a couple to have children.

It can be treated, but that treatment takes time. So you should go and see a psychotherapist or counsellor right away. And I think you should tell your fiancée that you have this problem.


Did lesbianism take her virginity?

Doctor, I am worried about my 19-year-old daughter. She has admitted to me that while she was away at a foreign university, she spent one night with another woman, who turned out to be a lesbian. She was about five years older than her. My daughter says that she definitely does not want to engage in lesbianism any more, and is looking for a nice boyfriend. But could the night with the lesbian woman have taken her virginity?

Medically and legally, a woman can only lose her virginity through having sex with a man. To be blunt, it has to be a male organ that does it.

So, technically, your daughter is still a virgin. However, it is more than likely that this older lady penetrated her with a finger, or maybe a vibrator or a dildo (which is an artificial penis). That penetration could well have broken your daughter's hymen (or 'virgin's veil').

Does that matter? Probably not. No one else is likely to know that the hymen has gone. And, in any case, many women have their hymen broken as a result of using tampons.

I am sure you will give her all the support you can.

Send questions to deardoc@gleanerjm.com

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