Doctor's Advice - I can't say no to boys!
- I can't say no to boys!
Q. Doc, I seem to be the proverbial girl who can't say no. I just hate to admit that, but it's true. What do you think can be wrong with me? I am now 18 and a half, and since I was 15, I have found it very difficult to tell guys 'no way'. Again and again, I start out on a date with good intentions, intending not to give in. But at the last moment, I usually feel sorry for the guy and let him go ahead. For as long as I can remember, boys have been trying to seduce me. I suppose it is because I do know that I have quite a nice face and a fairly good figure. Men tend to whistle at me as I walk by them, and they comment on my breasts. Sorry, I suppose that sounds like I am being conceited. My mother told me to keep myself pure, but I am afraid that I have failed badly, Doc! In fact, I am a big disappointment to her in various ways. The only good thing is that I have avoided getting pregnant, and I have never caught a sexually transmitted infection, though I have had cystitis many times. What can you suggest, Doctor? Is there any medication that would make me less likely to give in?
A: No, I am afraid that there is no medication which would strengthen a girl's resolve to keep herself chaste and pure. But it is good that you want to do something about your slightly dangerous lifestyle.
What I find interesting is the question of why you behave like this. In fact, there are many girls like you, who try to be good, but who end up giving in to almost any guy who asks them. Why do they do it?
It is not because they are highly sexed or very passionate. In my experience, many of these young girls say that they don't actually find sex all that exciting.
Instead, what motivates them is lack of self-esteem. They have a low opinion of themselves. They tend to think that they are not much good or that they have failed in life. So they respond to these inner feelings by trying to please guys and attempting to get their approval. And of course, the easiest way to obtain approval from a man is to let him have sex with you.
Therefore, I suspect that your problem is lack of self-esteem. I note that you say that you have failed badly and that you think you are a big disappointment to your mother.
Well, my advice to you is that you urgently do something about improving your self-esteem. Try and get to see a youth counsellor in your area, and check out the following website: www.mayoclinic.com/health/self-esteem
So far, you have been pretty lucky in not having become pregnant, and it is fortunate that you have not yet caught an STI. But your luck may run out soon! So please do something about that self-esteem. And I strongly suggest that you don't go on any dates at all for the next six months or so.
- Blood on the tissue
Q. I am a guy of 17, and I have suddenly noticed that when I go out, there is scarlet blood on the toilet paper! I am scared, Doc. Is it anything to do with the fact that I encouraged a girl to touch me in that area during sex?
A: No, it isn't. You almost certainly have piles, also known as haemorrhoids. These are very common in young people.
Please see a doctor who can check out your bottom. If the problem is indeed piles, the doctor will give you medication, probably including cream or suppositories. If the piles turn out to be very bad, you would need to have an operation, but for most young people, that is not necessary.
- 'In-turned' nipple
Q. I am 19, and my right nipple has been 'in-turned' all my life. Is this a sign of cancer, Doc?
A: No. When a normal-looking nipple becomes in-turned, that can sometimes suggest breast cancer. But in a young woman whose nipple has always been in-turned, that is not the case. You can buy a simple device, which gradually 'sucks' the nipple out so that it stops being in-turned. The device is called the Niplette. You can buy it reasonably cheaply via the Internet. Just Google the word Niplette.
- Seeing red after petting
Q. Last night I was fooling around with a girl in Mandeville, and she had rings on her fingers. One of these must have been very sharp, Doc, because suddenly, I found myself bleeding heavily from the little string of tissue that is on the far side of my penis. I quit petting with her immediately. She gave me some cotton wool, and I held it on the bleeding area till I got home. Is this serious, doctor? Will I be able to have sex again?
A: Yes, you will. But you must wait for a little while till everything heals up. The little string which you describe is called the fraenum or fraenulum. It is the part of the penis which is most commonly injured during love play. And because it has many blood vessels in it, it bleeds copiously when it is injured.
However, these little cuts and tears are rarely serious. They usually heal in about a week. If they don't, then a doctor can put in a couple of stitches, which should make everything OK again. I recommend that for the next few days, you put a little Vaseline on the cut, and then gently tape some cotton wool or lint over it. If you are not totally healed within seven days, then check with a doctor. Also, if you resume having sex, then please take it gently. If you propose to have intercourse, use a condom.
- Frustrating climax
Q. I have a new boyfriend, and I think I love him. I am 22, and I am on the Pill. But there is one thing I do not understand about my new guy. Whenever he gets near to a climax, he withdraws and then directs his sperm over my breasts or face. This is frustrating! Why does he do it, Doc?
A: Probably because he has been watching silly porno films, which have given many young men crazy ideas about sex. These videos concentrate on always showing a view of the hero ejaculating. They call this the money shot.
Because of those foolish productions, many inexperienced guys have got the notion that when a man discharges, he should do it outside the woman. Admittedly, this practice does slightly cut down on the risk of pregnancy. But many females find it rather irritating and frustrating.
If you are going to continue with this relationship, it would be a good idea to sit down with your partner and explain to him that as a rule, the act of intercourse should end with the man depositing his sperm inside the woman.
Email questions to Doc at email@example.com and read more in the Outlook Magazine tomorrow.