Krysta Anderson, Gleaner Writer
Indian teacher and philosopher Chanakya once said, "A person should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first and honest people are screwed first." With the whole ideology of some things are better left unsaid, many rock the proverbial boat by choosing to either be secretive about their past, or lay all their cards on the table.
Flair Magazine asked readers if they had ever been placed in such an uncomfortable situation, and, if so, what exactly occurred since the confession. This is what some had to say.
Couples' therapist Olive Ellis explained, "In every relationship, both partners should be honest. But what will this honesty cost the relationship? There are some matters that are better left in the dark, but, if it is a matter that will someday come to haunt you, then it is best to tell your partner about it." Here are five tips Ellis offered to couples wanting to steer their love boat to paradise.
1. Tell your partner only what is needed. Yes, you may pride yourself on your honesty and openness, but that does not mean that you have to bare all to your partner.
2. Never share the intimate details of your past with your partner - that is the number of sex partners you have had and how many times you have had sex.
3. Never discuss your ex and never compare your current partner to your ex, especially when it has to do with intimacy.
4. Never use phrases like 'you always' and/or 'you never'.
5. Never tell them you have cheated in prior relationships. In the initial stages of the relationship this may come across as you being honest, but later, your unexplained actions and other things you do may cause your partner to think that you are doing what you have done before - cheating.
I told my lover at the time every move - where I was at the time, where I was going and what I was doing. After a while, I didn't think he needed to know everywhere I was and when I didn't feel like telling him, he claimed I was hiding things from him, hinting that I may have been up to no good.
K.T., female, 20
I told my boyfriend at the time that I had a threesome, and every time after that when I introduced him to somebody, he wanted to know, "Is that the person?" He couldn't deal with the unknown. It became such a turn-off that we eventually broke up.
K.H., female, 27
I told my boyfriend at the time how many men I had slept with in my past, and that was when the issues of trust came into play. He would feel insecure when I went out with friends, thereafter, and he would force me to make comparisons with him and my previous boyfriends, which only made matters worse.
S.N., female, 24
While I was with my girlfriend of a few years, I got another woman pregnant. I decided to be a man and inform her of my indiscretions and its outcome. Naturally, she was furious and expressed her anger verbally. We are still together, but I have yet to live it down, because the incident is brought up in verbal altercations quite often.
H.B., male, 25
My girlfriend asked me to tell her everything about the girls in my past, because when she is serious she does not want to hear anything about that. I told her the name of a female friend of mine whom I hooked up with back in the day - told her the girl is cool, we still keep in contact and we are still friends. Next thing I knew, she turned it around on me, saying how I always have many girls. There is always somebody else in her head.
M.R., male, 28