Ever since I was a teenager my mother has despised me. My mother has three children with three different men. I am the oldest for her. However, my father was by far the poorest, and of dark complexion. The other men were of light complexion and the children look like them. My mother felt she did better in her selection of men after my father. I was given more household chores than my siblings. I was given little lunch money and this was blamed on my father's resources. I was not given the same liberty to go places.
I am still not respected by my mother. She listens to the other siblings but I cannot express my honest views. I feel so lonely and frustrated. If I telephone her, she hardly wants to talk to me. I feel as if I do not have a mother. I get angry and shout at her out of distress. This only makes matters worse. I will apologise to her when I go off the edge, but she never says sorry. The relationship with my siblings is civil. The two other siblings get on very well. I feel left out. I feel that my relationship with my mother has affected me getting into lasting relationships. I am developing a bad temper. Sometimes I do not sleep well. I am restless at nights. I think about the problem over and over in my mind. I need your advice. I need your help.
A: It is very sad when a mother and child cannot get along. She brought you into the world after months of pregnancy. You feel cheated out of a normal and meaningful relationship with your mother. This dysfunctional relationship is affecting you badly. You are obviously stressed and you are not managing it well. You are angry, losing your temper and shouting. You are becoming irritable, restless and frustrated. You need to change and change fast, otherwise you will become depressed.
It is sad that people are judging you by the colour of your skin rather than the content of your character. It is unfortunate that you are experiencing discrimination based on the amount of melanin your father has. Furthermore, you are experiencing prejudice because of the poor circumstances of your father. Your mother needs to remember that poverty does not define you, nor does it determine your future.
You should not allow other persons' reaction to you to determine who you are or define you. You cannot force your mother to love you. However, you need to continue to love, honour and respect her. Also treat your siblings with the utmost respect.
You need to also try and move on. You cannot determine how your mother will react to you. You cannot force her to love you. You cannot force your siblings to love you. You need to form other meaningful relationships whether in your neighbourhood, church, civic organisations. You need to control your emotions or else not many persons will enjoy your company.
You need urgent professional help. Please go and talk to a professional counsellor because you have had so much baggage for so many years.