THE EDITOR, Sir:
Dear Mrs Simpson Miller:
I write to congratulate you on your most recent award, being inducted into the International Women's Forum. I wanted to watch it on television, but the power went out right before. The Jamaica Public Service Company (JPS) must not like you or us, because each time we try to enjoy some TV, it cuts off the electricity. Perhaps JPS was the one you referred to as "enemies of the State", or maybe that is why you don't watch television.
It would've been nice to see you, as we haven't seen you since ... well, a long time. Let me update you on what has been taking place here. There has been a shortage of chicken back and, as a result, the people have been finding alternatives in the form of crocodiles and mongooses.
I don't know what is wrong with them, because I know the last time we spoke, you said we would be eating oxtail. Maybe they are ignorant and don't know that you have this as one of your many achievements.
Things are looking up in the economy, as just Thursday, the Planning Institute of Jamaica (PIOJ) said we are expected to record growth of less than one per cent. This is wonderful news, despite the fact that the exchange rate now stands at J$105.16 to US$1. We, like you, won't pay any attention to that, as that will not prevent the nice times that you promised from returning.
You will be pleased to know that the minister of national security said that serious crimes are down by 14 per cent, so we paid no attention to the statement that murders were up by six per cent the very next day.
All in all, everything is right as you left them. We continue to look forward to the improvement to our lives that the award stated you will surely bring us. Please visit soon, as we would like to give you an honour for these achievements when they happen.
HUNGRY FROM MAJESTY