Jody-Anne Lawrence, Gleaner Writer
We have always heard the saying, "be careful what you ask for," and in relationships, your spouse's past is something that we should be wary of. Do you really think you can handle everything about their past?
People tend to be selective about the history that they reveal to their spouses. Some believe that maybe it will change the person's perception of them if they tell them every detail. But not everyone can really handle the mistakes that others have made and people do not necessarily want to be constantly judged by those mistakes.
Relationship Expert and Clinical Sexologist Dr Sidney McGill believes that full disclosure about your past relationship experiences is based on the maturity of the spouses since the information can be used for good and bad.
"Recounting relationship history details depends on both spouses' emotional and spiritual health. The information can be used in positive or negative ways," Dr McGill told Flair.
He maintains that a partner's refusal to divulge all the information about their past does not mean that the spouse is being deceptive in any way.
"The motive for refusing to talk about it is many and varied. It depends on the motive for withholding the information and the need to know," he explains.
According to Jodi-Ann Johnson, she would not need to know every intimate detail about her partner.
"Hearing every detail is not important to me. I just want to be sure that it is truly over with the one he was with previous to me."
However, she confesses that if she did ask and he refused to answer, it would make her wonder if he had something to hide, but she would respect that there might be part of his life that he might have closed and not want to return to.
Hasini McFarlane told Flair that there are some things about his partner's past that he would like to know.
"I'd want to know if she got pregnant for a previous partner, had a miscarriage or gave the child up for adoption. If there was any sexual experimentation with the same sex. If she was married, engaged or ever lived with a boyfriend. Outside of that it does not matter," he explains.
He does not think that these things would impact the relationship, but there were some things that he believes that he should know.
Should past experiences impact the current relationship? That is something that Dr McGill believes could go both ways. Not only is this based on the individual's maturity, it also depends on what the particular information is.
At the end of the day, trust is the key to being with someone that you trust enough to accept you for who you are, and not based on your past.