Wed | Oct 17, 2018

I got another woman pregnant

Published:Tuesday | August 12, 2014 | 12:00 AM

Q: I am in a messy situation. I am planning to get married to my fiancé shortly. We have been planning this wedding for the past eight months. We have a good relationship. She is hardworking, ambitious and honest. She is very caring. She is a family person and cares for her parents. However, she can be overbearing at times. I am more laid back. She is very driven about her goals. She can be miserable while I am easy-going. She does not like some of my habits of heavy drinking with my friends on weekends. I am also a chain-smoker. She complains about my habits, so sometimes our relationship is rocky.

During one such period, I was depressed and found comfort with a young co-worker who is easy-going and laid back like myself. For a few months we were in an intimate relationship. She knows about my fiancé but my fiancé does not know about her.

Unfortunately, my co-worker is now pregnant for me. This would be my first child. My fiancé has no children. I am thinking that I should wait until after the wedding to tell her about the co-worker, by which time the baby will be born. It would avoid any shame on her and her family. What do you think about that idea?

A: To hide such significant information from your fiancé is not a good idea. You should not start your marriage on a deceitful note. You should tell her that your co-worker is pregnant for you. However, in telling her about this pregnancy do not compare your fiancé unfavourably with your co-worker. You should not blame your unfaithfulness on your expected wife's attitude. You have made a grave mistake to be having two relationships simultaneously. You should give your fiancé the opportunity to decide whether she still wants to get married to you. You should also assure her that you will understand if she does not want to get married to you. Hopefully, you will be repentant for your selfish actions. Please be prepared for her reaction and her family will be very angry and disappointed in you.

Furthermore, you need to be more responsible as you approach marital status. Your heavy drinking and chain-smoking are serious and dangerous lifestyle habits. Apart from being expensive habits, they can affect your health as much as they affect your relationship. You should not regard your fiancé as miserable when she criticises your heavy drinking and smoking. You need to change your ways. You need to ascertain whether you are engaging in these habits because you do not know how to handle stress or because you are following your friends. It appears that you do not handle pressure very well and might need professional help.

Your co-worker knew what she was getting involved with because she knew that you have a fiancé. Nevertheless, you must be a father to the child with your presence, and also provide financial support.

Finally, please tell your fiancé as soon as possible about your co-worker and assure her that you will never do such a thing again, and mean it. Hopefully she will give you a second chance.