Mon | Jul 16, 2018

Burdened with family problems

Published:Tuesday | October 14, 2014 | 12:00 AM

Q: I have three children with my husband. One is still in high school. The others graduated, but are not working. For the past two years, since I experienced menopause, I have lost sexual passion for my husband. He is very annoyed about that. He thinks I am using the menopause to avoid sex with him. My husband is a tradesman, but business is slow right now. Sometimes, it is difficult to find the rent and money to pay utilities. I have a job offer to do live-in domestic work, but he is opposed to it because I will be away from him six nights per week. He feels I am taking the job to get a break from him. However, we need the money and I also need a break from him. We were school sweethearts and we are not making much progress. The two adult children are turning into bums, with one smoking ganja. The other one just watches TV all day long or sits at the computer. I believe that my husband is a bad influence on them and is not doing enough to guide them. I am tired of the situation at home and this job is a lifeline. The live-in job is to take care of an old lady; to ensure she takes her medication, wash her dishes and clothes while a day's worker will clean the house once per week. I will have my own room and TV. I intend to take up this offer even if my husband is against it.

A: Jobs are difficult to find and this is an opportunity for you and your family to deal with your expenses and debts. Please have a family meeting and discuss the serious lack of financial resources. This should shake up your husband and children. If they still will not see the benefits of this job then invite a competent and confidential counsellor to help.

The job is not the problem as it relates to your marriage. You have lost interest in your husband. You are disappointed with his attitude. You are frustrated that he is not a good provider and you think he is a poor father. I do not know if all your criticisms are justified. You, however, have serious problems which need the urgent attention of a counsellor.

Many husbands do not understand menopause. It would be good at the next visit to the doctor or clinic to take your husband and have the health professional explain menopause to him. You will need a supportive husband and family during this period.

Your adult children also need to help with the family finances or at least make an effort. It is possible that your son is smoking out of frustration and boredom. Your entire family is crying out for help!