Mon | Jan 21, 2019

Where Jason stands

Published:Monday | October 27, 2014 | 12:00 AM

First Impressions rarely last. Do first impressions ever last? I am beginning to realise that they don't. There are certain things that a man will do in the beginning to gain your attention but often changes once he feels he has it. They will call you every two hours just to say hey or send you a text asking about your day. They surprise you at work or home or plan some nice excursions that they know you have been dying to do or would enjoy doing. Then everything changes.

The Jason Factor

So Jason and I had been dating for a few months now, but we weren't exclusive, at least he wasn't exclusive with me - I am pretty sure that he was seeing other people. We hadn't made any commitment to each other, but I had stopped accepting invitations for dates from other men. I was spending my time getting to know Jason. Sometimes I wondered when he found time to see other people because he spent most of his time with me or on the phone. Again, we never made any commitment and he didn't know that I had stopped seeing other people - he never asked me to; that had been my decision.

But I started noticing some simple changes in the way he operated. This man always held the car door open for me and I noticed he stopped. He usually called me by six each morning and we would talk on the phone while I made breakfast for my kids. Now his calls started coming after eight, sometimes after 10. I never called him in the early mornings because I didn't know what his situation at the time was, so I always waited until he called.

At first, I didn't think anything of it because I knew that recently he had been keeping some late hours with his business. I had become very observant since I parted with my ex and I analysed everything and if needs be, I would call you out on it. I didn't with Jason because we weren't in a relationship. It did bother me though, because these were some of the things that had initially drawn me to him. He was caring and very attentive, and which girl wouldn't appreciate that?

Men need to realise that whatever method they use to win a woman's affection, is what we are expecting them to continue doing. Similar thing with us women. I knew I wasn't paranoid when other people started noticing Jason's absence. Then I knew that it was either he had lost interest in me or had found someone else.

During one of our breakfast meetups, his phone started vibrating. He looked at the screen and silenced it then turned the phone on its face. For me, that was a red alert. He always answered his phone in my presence, then to turn it face down said a whole lot. The phone started vibrating again. He picked it up and said: "Call you back in a few," and hung up. No hello ... nothing. That was red flag number two. Again, this man and I weren't in a committed relationship, but he wasn't acting normal.


So the chikungunya virus had finally decided to make my body its home. I had never felt so much pain in my life. I was weak, hot, and miserable. I was talking to him on the phone that night around 9 p.m., and I asked him if he could bring me a bottle of orange juice. He said he couldn't and asked if I couldn't get it in the morning. To say that wasn't the answer I was expecting is to say the least. This was the man that when I had a simple head cold was willing to get out of his bed at midnight to bring me medication. I had to convince him that I was fine and I could wait until tomorrow for the medication. Now here I am dehydrated and he is telling me to wait until tomorrow. I said, "How was it that a month ago, you were willing to leave home at midnight to bring me meds, yet tonight when I am really feeling some serious pain, you are saying tomorrow?" I don't know what answer I was expecting, but the one he gave was not it. I thought he was going to say he was tired or something. Instead, he said, "Why does the glass have to be half empty?" That response threw me to the curb. What in heaven's name does that mean? Anyway, I told him that people changed and feelings changed and it was that simple.

I wasn't going to pretend that what he said hadn't had a negative impact on how I viewed him, but I also knew that he wasn't obligated to me. He sent me a message less than five minutes later to say if I really wanted the orange juice, he could take it. I didn't answer. I didn't want him to do anything for me because I was upset. I wanted him to do it because he wanted to.

Luckily, my neighbour had some which she gladly gave me. I drank it, took my medication and went to bed.

I can honestly say that I wasn't angry at Jason. I simply realised then that he was truly no longer interested in me. It doesn't change the fact that he is a great guy with many endearing qualities that would make him the ideal mate. But I knew I wasn't the one he wanted at that moment and I was okay with that.

I was beginning to think that this dating stuff wasn't going to go anywhere. Did I really want to continue putting myself through this roller coaster of getting to know someone then realising that they weren't the one for me or I wasn't the one for them? I knew I wanted the entire package and I also knew what I had to offer to a relationship, but I wasn't going to push it anymore. If it happened, then great; if not, then also great. There is great comfort in, knowing that your greatest love is yourself.

After four years as a single mother devoting her life to her four children, Yanique Quest has decided to re-enter the dating world. Join us each week as we chronicle her dating journey in 'Yanique's Quest'.