Sat | Jan 19, 2019

Buy my house, please, NHT

Published:Tuesday | November 18, 2014 | 12:00 AM

This is an open letter to Easton Douglas and the National Housing Trust board.

Dear NHT

Owing to your recent spending blitz of $44 billion regarding International Monetary Fund repayments and another $180 million and counting for Outameni, I hereby offer my house for sale.

It is on a corner lot, quite spacious, and is centrally located in the city. The area is flexible, so feel free to build commercially or residentially, since the Kingston and St Andrew Corporation has apparently approved the area for light commercial use.

Pay no attention to the garages, coffee brewers or gas tankers that are now operating on nearby avenues. Trust me, no regulatory body will harass you about breaking the law. In fact, feel free to burn your commercial garbage because the National Solid Waste Management Authority will not collect on a regular basis.

Truthfully, when sold, I will miss the smell of freshly sprayed automotive paint, the burning of polyurethane, and gasolene, as some enterprising worker aids his boss by selling extra fuel on the roadside to unfortunate motorists who just couldn't make it to a gas station.

For sure, I will cry when I realise that I will no longer hear the sounds of truck engines warming up in the dead of night or before dawn. I will also be overwhelmed by sadness because I don't know how I will survive without the discipline of having to wait in traffic as a tanker blocks my road in order to enter a lot whose gate was miserly built to only accommodate the manoeuvrability of a motorcar.

Pay no attention to the mangoes, cherry, banana, tamarind, ackee, apple, almond, passion fruit, sweetsop, carambola, aloe, mint and young lime and plantain trees that are currently planted on the property. Any fruits you desire are/can be imported.

Simply do what you do best and roll out a concrete carpet. It will match well the city's urban aesthetics!