Leave me the hell alone, Digicel!
THE EDITOR, Sir:
This is an open letter to Digicel.
I know I am good-looking and I am generally a nice person, so I can understand why you have taken a liking to me. But what seemed like a crush is growing into something so freakishly annoying that I can no longer tolerate it.
You used to text me twice a day, three times, sometimes. That was already too often and getting on my nerves, as there was no way to respond. And every time I add credit to my phone, you send me message upon message of how to send some of that credit back to you for 'prizes'. So every day I see messages raining in from your more than 10 numbers I have counted so far but, annoying as it was, I just felt I had to bear it.
Now, last night, I barely got any sleep and I am mad as hell! Twenty-two messages between midnight and 6 a.m.? This is way past ridiculous! I insist you leave me alone or I will go to the police. I do not wish to waste my money gambling in one of your silly schemes. Nor do I wish to be your 'special agent'.
If I could just reply, I would feel so much better. I will not put up with your monologue anymore. Open the line so I can tell you just what I am feeling. It's the same two words I have had on my mind since you started annoying me. Open the line, please, so I can tell you just where to put those letters.
Don't even think of going back to two texts a day. You claim to have millions of other friends, so I am sure you aren't lonely. You didn't help me to buy my phone, and I still haven't got over the data-plan and call-plan betrayals, so Digicel, please leave me the hell alone!