DOCTOR'S ADVICE - My husband wants younger, prettier girls
My husband wants younger, prettier girls
Q Doc, I am a wife who is in a really bad state. This is because of the actions of my husband, who has treated me with contempt! We got married just over 10 years ago. But we did NOT celebrate our 10th anniversary, because things were so bad. The fact is that, a year ago, I found out that he had been cheating on me with all sorts of pretty (and younger) girls.
We had a big fuss about this, and he told me that he was 'fed up' with me and that I was 'no fun' any more. Since then, I have discovered that he has installed his latest girlfriend in a house around 10 miles away. He now sleeps there most nights and only comes home for a few meals and to get his laundry done.
Furthermore, we have not had full sex for around four months. Doctor, I have got so frustrated that some nights I have masturbated. Will this have harmed my health? As you can imagine, I am pretty depressed about all this. I have low feelings, and I wake up at 3 a.m. and lie awake for hours, fretting about how I could put things right. Can you give me some good advice, Doc? What should I do next?
A Well, from a medical point of view, it is obvious that you are clinically depressed. This is indicated by your 'classical' symptoms of low feelings, loss of appetite, and lying awake for hours at night. So, in my view, you should go and see a doctor this week and get some treatment for depression. She will probably put you on antidepressants, to take daily for perhaps three months or so.
Turning to the subject of masturbation, you can forget your fears that this might have harmed your health. That is quite impossible. And in view of all the stress and frustration you have been through, it is quite understandable that you have relieved your tensions by masturbating.
Now, what can I say about your marriage? Frankly, it seems to me that this relationship is over - unless your husband has some sort of miraculous conversion to being kind and nice to you! It would be worth your while seeing a marriage counsellor, even if your husband will not come with you. An hour's chat would be a good way of 'getting things off your chest'. And she will certainly be able to give you some good advice about how to face the future.
If it is any consolation to you, I have seen quite a few cases in which wives were in the same state as you are. A year or two later, many of them were leading happy and fulfilling new lives - including sex lives! It is perfectly possible that one day you will find a new and much more pleasant partner, and maybe marry him.
When Viagra fails ...
QCan you help a worried guy of 35, Doc? I have had problems with my erections for some time, so I consulted the Internet and bought some Viagra. Much to my disappointment, this has NOT worked! So I have not had sex for three weeks. Can you advise me, Doc? Is it true that there are some other medications which will help when Viagra fails?
A Yes, there are. But my first thought is that there must be some REASON why you have virtually 'lost your nature' at your relatively young age. So you really should go and consult a doctor. Ask him to examine you and (if necessary) to organise some tests. It may be that he will find some medical condition which can be corrected - and this will restore your potency.
As it relates to the subject of Viagra, can I first point out that stuff you bought through the Internet may NOT have been Viagra at all! There have been thousands of online scams in which guys were sold 'dud' tablets that weren't real Viagra.
But assuming that the tablets were genuine Viagra, and that they did not work, what alternatives are available? These are the main ones:
- Levitra (aka vardenafil) is a useful drug which works in the same way as Viagra.
- Cialis (aka tadalafil) also works like Viagra, but has a much longer period of action - its effect may last for 12 hours, or sometimes much more.
- Spedra or Stendra (aka avanafil) is a newer but similar drug, which has the big advantage that it gives you an erection within around 30 minutes.
There are other medical techniques for dealing with erectile dysfunction (ED), and your own doctor can tell you more about those.
Separate diaphragms for each partner?
QA doctor in England gave me that 'diaphragm' method of contraception. It has worked out pretty well for me. Well, Doc, I now have two boyfriends. Should I buy another diaphragm, and use a separate one for each guy?
A I hope you are not taking a risk by 'running' two guys. Anyway, the correct procedure with a diaphragm is to wash and clean it extremely thoroughly after each occasion you have sex. So there is no need to buy a second one.
Contraceptives after menopause
Q My mother has just passed menopause, and, to my amazement, she has just got a new boyfriend! She thinks she doesn't need contraception any more, Doc. But is she right?
A. Not really. The general rule is this:
- If a lady reaches the menopause BEFORE the age of 50, she should continue to use contraception for another two years;
- If she reaches it at 50-plus, then she need only use contraception for a year.
Please pass this information on to your mother.
Do I have premature ejaculation?
QI have recently formed an exciting relationship with a young lady of 25, who is almost 10 years younger than me. Sex with her is truly great, Doc. But I am fretting about one thing. She says that I have 'premature ejaculation'. In fact, I have timed myself and I nearly always last a good 10 minutes before I discharge. Can that really be described as premature ejaculation?
A. By most people's standards, no. In general, guys who genuinely have 'PE' will only last for a minute or two before they orgasm. However, there is no EXACT definition of PE. Maybe this young lady had a previous lover who 'lasted' for half an hour or so, and she got used to that. My best suggestion is that you should not argue with her about this, but instead make a real effort to last for, say, 15 minutes before ejaculating. If that is not enough for the young lady, then you could discuss with her the possibility of trying the famous 'Masters-Johnson' technique. That is the method in which the woman uses a special 'grip' to make her guy last longer. You can find details on various Internet sites.
Q I have a strange raw place on my vaginal lips, present for two months. Help!
A. Because of the risk of CANCER of the vulva, you must show this 'raw place' to a doctor at once!