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Dear Doc: I'M SUICIDAL - My wife ran off with another man

Published:Sunday | January 18, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Q. Doctor, I am stunned by the fact that my wife left me recently and has apparently gone off with another man. I know the guy who she has run off with. He is a guy she has been friendly with at work. My world looks very bleak now, and I can't help thinking about killing myself.

He is a large man compared to me. I am a very thin person and not very tall. What I can't get out of my head, Doc, is the feeling that she has probably gone off with him because he must have a bigger male organ than me. To be honest, mine is not too big.

I love her, and I wish I had told her so more often. Maybe I didn't give her enough attention. Perhaps, I should have kissed her more.

Doctor, what can I do? I am just so sad without my wife.

A. I am really sorry to hear about this. It is always distressing when one's partner walks out of a marriage. But you have got one thing completely wrong.

Women do NOT leave a relationship or a marriage just because they meet a guy who has a large penis.

I can assure you, females do not think like that! Men often find this difficult to appreciate. They mistakenly imagine that women judge a guy by the size of his organ. But such ideas are silly.

There are several common reasons a wife leaves her husband for another guy. They include:

The husband has been cruel or has beaten his spouse;

He has not paid her enough attention, and has failed to compliment her and tell her he loves her;

The new man has been loving, considerate and complimentary.

From what you say, I think it is real likely that you have not given much attention to your wife. And you admit that you have failed to reassure her that you love her.

What are you to do now? First, you must deal with the fact that you are feeling suicidal. This means that you are clinically depressed. Please go and see a doctor this week. He will try to arrange some help for you and will probably put you on anti-depressant pills for a little while.

If possible, try to get some counselling. The counsellor will certainly reassure you that it is impossible that your wife left you because of the length of your penis.

Please try to be more optimistic. Statistics show that, when wives leave home, a sizable minority of them come back home. So there is a chance that your spouse will give up on her new lover and ask you to take her back. If that happens, I hope you will make sure to tell her that you love her.

Q. I am a divorced lady with an active sexual life. I have just turned 34.

I would like to start using contraception.

Doc, what sort of Pill is the best one to go on? I see that it is now possible to buy one type by using the Internet.

A. There is no actual 'best' Pill. Some brands suit some women, but not others. You may have to try several types before you find one that is absolutely right for you.

But I beg you not to buy the Pill via the Internet. That is not safe. First, you may be sold fake tablets by scammers!

Secondly, any woman who wants to go on the Pill should see a doctor and have a brief medical check-up. This is to make sure that you don't have any risk factors, which would make it dangerous for you to take the oral contraceptive.

For instance, if you have high blood pressure, or a family history of thrombosis (clotting), the doctor would probably tell you that you should choose another method.

I noted that you are 34, which means that you are starting to move into the age group where clotting becomes more likely. So it is possible that the doctor might suggest that you just go on the mini-Pill, which is a much milder medication, carrying very little risk of thrombosis.

But your doctor may well be willing to prescribe the regular Pill for you. If she/he does, I am sure she/he will pick one with a low level of oestrogen hormone. Higher doses of oestrogen are associated with a greater risk of clotting.

Q. I am a guy of 28 with a big sex drive, Doc. So I was real pleased when some friends invited me to a sort of 'orgy party' near Negril.

When I got there, I found that there were three men, including myself, and four attractive ladies. So I decided I was going to have a great time.

It all started very well, and I briefly had sex with two of the girls, before having a rest and moving on to the third. But while I was fooling around with her, I felt a rubbing sensation. Then I was horrified to find that one of the other guys had put his hand on my organ!

Even worse, I found that I was starting to get stiff again. I was so alarmed that I quickly put on my clothes and left.

Now I have three concerns, Doc. First, does the fact that this guy made a play at me indicate that I give out some kind of homosexual vibes?

Second, why did I get stiff? I fear that this means that I have some hidden gay instincts. That would be terrible.

Finally, could I have caught anything from this guy handling my organ? I really dread that.

A. Well now, this is the sort of thing that can happen when people are unwise enough to go to orgies. Alas, sometimes there are guys there who like the idea of fooling around with other guys.

But the fact that this man handled you does not indicate that you give out 'gay vibes'. Furthermore, the fact that you stiffened a little doesn't suggest that you are secretly a bit gay.

The truth is that any man whose penis is subjected to rubbing will experience some involuntary stiffening, especially if he is in the arms of a pretty girl at the time.

There is virtually no chance that your contact with that guy's hand could have given you a sexually transmitted infection. But you could have caught something from the young ladies with whom you had intercourse. So I feel you should do some tests.

Q. Soon after a vigorous bout of sex with my husband, I developed vaginal soreness, itching and a white 'cheesy' discharge. Could this be 'yeast', Doctor?

A Yes, these are the classic symptoms of yeast or 'thrush' infection. Please get some treatment from a doctor. And your husband may also need treatment, with a cream applied to his organ.