Mon | Nov 20, 2017

Flashback - Yanique's Quest

Published:Monday | July 28, 2014 | 12:00 AM

 

I remember the first day I met the man I thought would be my 'forever' - the man my children call Dad. I was standing in town with my girlfriend when he came over. Dylanhad the most amazing smile and very white teeth (very important to me). It didn't hurt either that he smelled amazing! He knew my girlfriend and she introduced us.

It turned out we were from the same neighbourhood and he knew my family and me, but he didn't realise that I still lived there. I told him that I had been going to school in Kingston for a few years. He offered to drop us by my home since he was headed home. I left them talking by his car and went inside. As soon as I entered, the house phone rang. It was him. My girlfriend had given him my number and he wanted to know if he could use it to call me sometimes. I was ecstatic but kept my cool and told him sure, no problem. That call began what would lead to some unforgettable memories.

Roderick- 41 years old - two children

I woke up this particular Sunday morning with what could only be described as the migraine from hell. After trying to 'fix it' myself, I decided to visit my physician. Unfortunately, he wasn't there, so I had to see the only other doctor that was open on a Sunday. I walked into the waiting room and saw a man waiting with his two children.

I leaned back in the chair and closed my eyes to avoid the light when I felt someone playing with my earrings. It was his daughter playing with the beads on it. I smiled and started to take them out to show her when he said, "Leave the lady, Bree". I told him it was okay and proceeded to show her my earrings.

The doctor came out then and called him in, but he offered me his space and I was so grateful. I got through in no time and went across the road to the pharmacy.

While waiting, I heard a little girl talking animatedly - I turned just in time to see him. He smiled and asked if it was good or bad luck running into me again. We started talking. His name was Roderickand I discovered that he was a single father. The children's mother had left him to live with her boyfriend and she hadn't called or seen her children since. I was in shock. It's not like she left the country. The woman was two parishes away raising another man's child; ignoring hers.

I told him I was a single mother too, but at least my children knew where to find their dad and he was always welcome to see them.

The pharmacist called my name and I collected my medication and said my goodbyes. I was on my way, but then I turned around. I told Roderick that I hadn't done this before, but would he like to catch a movie with me on Friday. He laughed and said he would love to and we exchanged numbers.

It was very rare to see a man raising his children on his own - it's usually the mother left with them after a break-up. I admired and respected him for that. Walking away, all I could think about was that this was going to be a very long week. I was really looking forward to Friday night.

ANXIETY BUILDING

Roderick and I started talking on the phone at least once a day. He called me the day after to see how my head was and we sort of developed a daily routine. He would call me by nine each morning, just to say hi and wish me a good day. Friday felt like it was months away.

By the time Wednesday came around, I was really anxious and nervous about the date. I think it was because I had asked him out. Which woman does that? Why had I done that? Was I desperate? I didn't think so, but when I told my friends that I had been the one to ask him out, they were flabbergasted and weren't afraid to say it. They couldn't understand what would possess me to do that. To them, it seemed like I was taking this thing to another level.

We decided to meet at the movies. Coming from my last date with Marlon, I decided to provide my own transportation - just in case. I arrived half an hour early; I wanted to get there and settle my nerves before he got there. He arrived on time and gave me a hug saying this was the longest week he had seen in a long while. I laughed and said "Really? I thought the week flew by so quickly."

I didn't feel comfortable letting him know I had been anticipating this moment as well. We settled into the movie and found ourselves laughing at the same jokes. We had definitely chosen a good movie.

After the movie, we walked to the jerk centre close by and sat down to talk. He asked a few questions about my ex, which I answered honestly. I took the opportunity to ask him about his.

After listening to my crazy friends, they had convinced me that he must have done something to this woman for her not to want anything to do with him or the children. As it turns out, based on what he was saying, he had done everything to keep his relationship. His ex, however, had different plans and goals for herself and didn't feel he was financially able to help with those dreams, and left for her new beau - or bank account - same thing.

I assured him that not all women were like that and there were some that would love the opportunity to grow with their man. As our meal arrived, we changed the topic from our exes to ourselves. I told him that I had been single for four years and I just started dating again - I had made a decision to try this love thing again. He smiled at me sadly and said he wished he had my tenacity. He said he spent seven years with a woman he realised he didn't know and couldn't see himself being in a serious relationship again. It just took too much work and he was okay having the occasional date, and for now that would be it for him.

Needless to say, that wasn't what I was hoping to hear, having been through my own heartbreak. But I could understand. Since I knew I could never do a casual relationship at this stage of my life, we decided to just be friends. We wanted different things at this time, but we had definitely enjoyed spending time together. Hands down, this had definitely been my best date so far. My journey will just have to continue.

- Name changed to protect identity.

After four years as a single mother devoting her life to her four children, Yanique Quest has decided to re-enter the dating world. Join us each week as we chronicle her dating journey in 'Yanique's Quest'.