Carolyn Cooper | Miss Lou duppy back-answer Ishawna

 

CHAKA-CHAKA SPELLING

 

My Aunty Roachy seh when ashes cold, dog lie down in deh. A true. Ishawna, look how yu lost yu pass a tek liberty wid mi eeh! Through mi dead? Mi no dead to dat. Mi a duppy. An mi deh bout. Old-time people seh duppy know who fi frighten. An mi seh, yu better know which duppy fi tek step wid. Mind duppy box yu!

How yu coulda go write pon yu Instagram page seh yu no wear tablecloth like Miss Lou? Wid yu outa order self. Tablecloth, Ishawna? Mi never wear tablecloth from mi born. Mi modder a dressmaker. An a pure nice-nice clothes she mek fi mi. She teach mi bout style an fashion.

Ishawna, yu no know bout costume? Dat a di clothes yu wear when yu a act inna play or flim or pon TV. Wat yu a call tablecloth a part a fi wi culture. A wi national dress. A bandanna cloth. It come a Jamaica from India. An di English word bandanna come from Hindi: 'bandhnu'. It mean tie up. Like how dem tie up di cloth fi dye it. Yu no see how bandanna pretty? All a di different, different colour!

 

SHE NAH WEAR NUTTEN

 

Mi know some a oonoo no like di national costume through di bandanna cloth come from foreign. Same like di ackee an salt fish inna di national dish. An oonoo no like di tie-head. It look backward. Dat come from foreign, too. From Africa. An mi done know seh some a oonoo did tink seh mi look like Aunt Jemima. Tru mi did fluffy. Oonoo gwaan like fat a sin.

Den when mi look pon fi yu picture a pose off pon Instagram, mi seh to miself, "Mi a wear tablecloth an she nah wear nutten at all, at all." All right, yu no naked, naked, naked. But yu no even half-naked. Yu bout nine an a half outa ten naked.

Yu tink seh di lickle rhinestone dem pon yu breast a brassiere? No, sah! An di piece a string wrap round yu waist, an di short, short shorts, dat a clothes? An as fi di pink furry, furry sinting weh yu throw round yu shoulder, come round, heng down! A wa dat? It look like one mampi puss.

Mi know seh dat a fi yu costume. A act yu a act. Yu a dancehall DJ. Wat mi waan know, a directly wat part yu a play. Dat deh costume mek yu look like seh yu a di food weh dem a go put pon di table weh dem a cover wid tablecloth. Yu no know seh naked no mean seh yu sexy? Yu born inna 1986. Yu a no pikni. Yu a big ooman. Yu suppose fi know dat.

Mi did sexy one time! No watch di tablecloth. Yu fi aks fi mi husband, Coverley duppy. Mi know seh if yu sprawl off almost naked pon Instagram, nutten no lef fi di man dem fantasise bout. Yu ha fi tek off di clothes piece, piece, lickle, lickle! Yu can't just dash it out deh.

Anyhow, oonu modern-days gyal know everything. Mek mi lef yu. Next ting yu a go tell me seh mi a kitchen cloth a gwaan like seh mi a tablecloth. Jack Mandora, mi no choose none.

 

PRAPA-PRAPA SPELIN

 

Mai Anti Roachy se wen ashiz kuol, daag lai dong in de. A chruu. Ishawna, luk ou yu laas yu paas a tek libati wid mi ii! Chruu mi ded? Mi no ded tu dat. Mi a dopi. An mi de bout. Uol taim piipl se dopi nuo uu fi fraitn. An mi se, yu beta nuo wich dopi fi tek step wid. Main dopi baks yu!

Ou yu kuda go rait pan yu Instagram piej se yu no wier tiebl-klaat laik Mis Lou? Wid yu outa aada self. Tiebl-klaat, Ishawna? Mi neva wier tiebl-klaat fram mi baan. Mi mada a jresmeka. An a pyuur nais-nais kluoz shi mek fi mi. Shi tiich mi bout stail an fashin.

Ishawna, yu no nuo bout kaschuum? Dat a di kluoz yu wier when yu a ak ina plie ar flim ar pan TV. Wat yu a kaal tiebl-klaat a paat a fi wi kolcha. A wi nashinal jres. A bandaana klaat. It kom a Jamieka fram Indiya. An di Ingglish wod bandana kom fram Hindi: 'bandhnu'. It miin tai op. Laik ou dem tai op di klaat fi dai it. Yu no si ou bandaana priti? Aal a di difran, difran kola!

 

SHI NAA WIER NOTN

 

Mi nuo som a unu no laik di nashanal kaschuum chruu di bandaana klaat kom fram farin. Siem laik di aki an saalfish ina di nashanal dish. An unu no laik di tai ed. It luk bakwod. Dat kom fram farin tu. Fram Afrika. An mi don nuo se som a unu did tingk se mi luk laik Aant Jemima. Chruu mi did flofi. Unu gwaahn laik fat a sin.

Den wen mi luk pan fi yu pikcha a puoz aaf pan Instagram, mi se tu miself, "Mi a wier tieblklaat an shi naa wier notn at aal, at aal." Aarait, yu no niekid, niekid, niekid. Bot yu no iivn aaf-niekid. Yu bout nain an a aaf outa ten niekid.

Yu tink se di likl rainstuon dem pan yu bres a brazier? Nuo, sa! An di piis a schring rap roun yu waist an di shaat, shaat shaats, dat a kluoz? An az fi di pink fori, fori sinting we yu chruo roun yu shuolda, kom roun, eng dong! A wa dat? It luk laik wan mampi pus.

Mi nuo se dat a fi yu kaschuum. A ak yu a ak. Yu a daansaal DJ. Wat mi waan nuo, a dairekli wat paat yu a plie. Dat de kaschuum mek yu luk laik se yu a di fuud we dem a go put pan di tiebl we dem a kova wid tiebl-klaat. Yu no nuo se niekid no miin se yu seksi? Yu baan ina 1986. Yu a no pikni. Yu a big uman. Yu sopuoz fi nuo dat.

Mi did seksi wan taim! No wach di tiebl-klaat. Yu fi aks fi mi ozban Coverley dopi. Mi nuo se if yu spraal aaf aalmuos niekid pan Instagram, notn no lef fi di man dem fantasaiz bout. Yu a fi tek aaf di kluoz piis, piis, likl, likl! Yu kyaahn jos dash it out de.

Eniou, unu madorn-diez gyal nuo evriting. Mek mi lef yu. Neks ting yu a go tel mi se mi a kichin klaat a gwaahn laik se mi a tiebl-klaat. Jak Manduora, mi no chuuz non.

- Carolyn Cooper, PhD is a specialist on culture and development. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and karokupa@gmail.com.