Tue | Oct 4, 2022

JaRistotle’s Jottings| Crime Plan 101

Published:Wednesday | September 13, 2017 | 12:00 AM

Crime is a business operation perpetrated by persons whose ultimate objective is monetary gain. Power and influence are inevitable spin-offs, for while they are feared, respected, adored and hated by many, the frightening reality is that criminals influence how the country is governed. The relationship between criminals and our politicos is no secret, and I daresay some of our politicos are themselves criminals.

The best ways to deal with criminals are to restrict their capabilities, prevent opportunities for committing crimes, and deny them that which motivates them. Since we appear unable to stop the flow of guns into their hands, and the police are largely ineffective in protecting us and preventing opportunity-driven crime, then the only way to stop them is to demotivate them.




The Government has been facilitating the extraditions of lotto scammers as and when warrants have been delivered by the United States (US) authorities. No questions asked a la Dudus, wherein the country was brought to the brink of a localised civil war in 2010 because the US dared to request the extradition of a VCP - very connected person. Anyone with but a morsel of understanding of Jamaican current affairs knew the then Government was in 'excreta-diting' pain.

While these extraditions have relieved us, for the time being, of the danger these criminals would normally have posed, they also point to the issue of Jamaica not being willing or able to deal with its own criminals. Thank you, US, for relieving us of the burden; keep up the requests, and spread the joy - we have tief, hustla , stabba, choppa and shotta, brand-Jamaica criminals ready fi travel, just say the word.

Not all crimes committed in Jamaica have a direct impact on other countries in the way that narcotics trafficking and lotto scamming do, but those crimes hurt us locally, and in a bad way. The perpetrators, whether directly or indirectly, are mixed. Some represent areas in Parliament, while their counterparts lead the areas. The latter hardly travel, at least not by legal means. The former treasure diplomatic passports and visas and burn up air-miles travelling on the people's business.

So I say unto our foreign partners, do us a favour and cancel the visas for them, their families and cronies. If dem can't go a foreign pon di people's business, what use are they to us as political representatives? Mek dem go raise fowl instead of money. Our foreign partners will send a strong message, as they have done in the past, to say a lot about those individuals and to restrict their manoeuvrings. And why not, as, at the same time, they are keeping these well-heeled criminals out of their countries. So US, UK, EU, Canada - just do it, and make a loud noise when doing so. And seize dem house, car and money at di same time. Dat wi bun dem some more, and further demotivate the bloodsuckers. Thank you, kind foreign partners.




Everywhere we go in Jamaica, we hear the common grouse that 'dem a treat big man like bwoy, dem ah diss mi'. Nobody likes to be dissed; they lose face and standing. Unfortunately, this is a factor in many domestic and reprisal crime cases. However, I see opportunity here for dealing with some of our criminals. Diss dem, and do so in a bad way. What the hell am I dabbling about, you ask? Simple, bring back public flogging.

Instead of wasting taxpayers' money to send perpetrators to prison for certain crimes, just buss dem ass in public. Fact is, prison time is meaningless nowadays; just another family or community reunion at our expense. So lick dem where it hurts, an mek everybody see. If dem tief, buss dem ass. If dem harm or otherwise inconvenience or 'terrorize' dem fellow citizen, show dem seh dem ah nuh bad man - buss dem ass. And if a male who is not a man abuses a woman or a child, give him a special buss-assing. Crime hurts, but it is not di victim who must feel the pain alone. Once beaten, twice shy.

Cruel, unjust, reminiscent of slavery, how could you say such a thing, JaRistotle? Off with his head, sayeth some. Well, I ask you this, isn't what the criminals are doing to us cruel and unjust? Go figure.