Sat | Nov 27, 2021

He is drifting because...

Published:Thursday | October 8, 2015 | 12:30 PM

When a man gets into a relationship, he is advised 'that a happy wife makes a happy life'. I strongly agree that a man should treat his woman like a queen, but sometimes that is just not enough for some women.

A woman tends to complain about all that is wrong with her partner, but is completely oblivious to his frustrations with her.

In talking to a few good men, Flair came up with five reasons they are drifting from their partners who are just about to push them over the edge.

Read with an open heart and not a defensive one. It may not apply to you, but if it does, open up the line of communication with your partner and improve it.

Spending quality

time with him

Try to effectively strike a balance with career and family based on your lifestyle.

Quality time helps to improve the quality of your relationship, and as blunt as this may sound, if you refuse to satisfy your husband, someone else will be more than willing to do so.

Reflect to see if there is anything you could be doing better in order to have the time.

You are never satisfied

One of the most frustrating things for a man is when he is absolutely trying everything he can to make you happy, yet you always seem to find the next thing he isn't doing perfectly.

You asked him to be more affectionate; he's attempting to, but you are still not satisfied because it doesn't seem natural enough for you. You asked him to help more around the house; he did, but you have found a reason to complain about how he folded the towels or when he washed the dishes.

Just because your partner doesn't do things the way you want him to, doesn't mean he is wrong and it doesn't give you permission to complain about everything. Extend a "thank you" rather than a turned up nose and side eye.

You have a terrible attitude

Bear in mind that love is not irritable, and if you cannot effectively communicate with your partner even in the darkest moments, then unresolved issues might linger, then flair up later, causing relationship breakdown.

Women tend to blame their partners for their attitude, but many times, the problem has nothing to do with him and everything to do with you or everyone else.

Maybe you are frustrated from work, seeing your menstrual cycle, having personal financial issues or maybe you're mad at your friends or family; or maybe the children are getting on your nerves. Yet, for some reason, you lash out at him. He may take it most times, but at some point, it will get really old and he won't want to be around you.

You talk and treat

him like a child

Respect is the fundamental need for every man. When you speak to him as if he is a child, it is the fastest way to raise his defences and cause him to shut down. Maybe you have children and are used to speaking down at them; but when you start speaking to your man in a condescending tone, you need to check yourself because it is both disrespectful and ineffective.

He won't appreciate it and there's nothing sexy about it. Have adult conversations with your husband when you have issues with him, but yelling, screaming, or being condescending simply won't serve the greater purpose in your relationship.

Additionally, stop patronising and scolding him about chores and household issues. If you need assistance, ask for what you need; but scolding a grown man and showing him a lack of respect will only cause conflict.

Constantly bringing

up the past

So your partner betrayed you and you said you forgave him, and were over the situation, yet every time there is a disagreement that issue seems to come right back up. Instead of addressing the issue at hand, you bring up the issues from the past and try to make them a part of the issue of the present.

Be careful of words like 'always' and/or 'every time' and although you know it's not true, you know it's a way to demean what he actually does, so you push his buttons. That's not fighting fair and he will get tired of it.

You don't make time for him

So you have time to be on every committee at church and in all your organisations, being a 'supermom', or a superwoman at your job, yet the person that gets the leftovers of your time is your husband.

You spread yourself so thin that you have no energy to be affectionate with him and when he attempts to be intimate with you, you simply blow it off or have a 'headache'.

A relationship is like a flower, when properly watered, groomed and cared for it will blossom.