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Kelly's World | Tailor-made for disaster

Published:Thursday | June 22, 2017 | 12:00 AM

"People will show you who they are, but we ignore it because we want them to be who we want them to be."

- Don Draper


Relationships are like any sharp, well-fitting suit; you need to follow certain steps for them to fit as close to perfect as possible.

First, you need the right material. If it's Jamaica, you need something cool but still thick enough for that chilly evening. Then you need the perfect jacket, not hugging you too tightly but not with so much room you and your brother could fit in it. Next come the pants. I've never been a fan of the squeeze-mi-you-know-where type of trousers. Like Beenie Man said in his song Number One, "pants fi have room". And if you're going for a three-piece suit, the waistcoat adds that extra touch.

But it's all in the measurements. And just like a bad-fitting suit, you can sight a bad relationship looong before you try it on for size. But because you really want to look dapper, and, more important, follow trends, you go with it nonetheless. Sometimes even if the measurements are fine, the colour might be way off. You can try something new all you want, if you're a grey type of person, lime green isn't going to just become your hue.




Now, if you simply bought the parts of the suit off the rack, never tried them and then cried that they don't fit, that's one thing. The worst thing in choosing your clothes (or in the case of a relationship, choosing the people who'll be taking off your clothes) is when you actually got measured for it and still didn't get it right. That's because yuh tuck een yuh belly when the measurements were being taken (aka gave up critical pieces of who you are just to be with the object of your desire). Such a strategy is tailor-made to end in disaster. So when the real suit comes, you look more like the Michelin man than a well-groomed man.

You ever see women (and men) hobbling around in shoes that don't quite fit? And if you were to ask why they got them, knowing they weren't quite snug, you hear it's because "they're fashionable". Take my tailoring advice. Wear what fits you. Forget the latest style (if it doesn't look good on you, it doesn't look good on you). Forget about how much it cost to make. Keeping up with the figurative Joneses won't hide the fact that you look foolish.

Find a good suit (or suitor, on the relationship side) and you're set for life. Why? Three reasons. One, because both suit and suitor can make you look good even when internally you're not having your best day. Two, because they were chosen by your heart and your head, they really represent who you are, so the world will always see the 'real' you.

Third reason? That's easy. Both the right suit and suitor will be with you for a really, really long time. And last I checked, longevity of something positive is a good thing. Happy clothes hunting. Later.

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