Sun | Jan 23, 2022

Something new with someone new: Amorous attraction

Published:Monday | April 1, 2019 | 12:08 AM

Relationships are far from black and white. In fact, these ‘50 Shades of Grey’ areas lurk in the wings, ready to take centre stage when you least expect it. And that’s what makes pairing up so exciting! But how many partners can honestly say they assessed the person they get down and dirty with from the start? Welcome to Something New With Someone New.

You know how they say opposites attract? Well, I’ve always been interested in men who differ from me, and they seem to be drawn to me, too. For example, I’m a loud mouth – yes, confession is good for the soul – so chances are, the person I’m dating will probably be quiet and reserved. With this guy, it’s no different. I love the spotlight, he would rather be behind the scenes. I’m into vibrant colours, he’s all about the earth tones. I’m always late, he is always on time. Procrastination is my middle name and he is the ultimate go-getter. I love to dance and he’ll say he has two left feet. And the list goes on, but you get the gist. That’s all natural, and there is absolutely nothing wrong because you will find that the diversity and variety can add spice to your once typical or mundane lives.

Here’s where it gets a little tricky: when you contradict each other on the ‘big league’ issues. For instance, if you both deal with conflicts differently (he likes to walk away, while you would rather hash it out then and there), then deviating from your other half’s norm during an argument may cause even bigger problems. In fact, if compromise doesn’t come into play, it could overshadow the incident altogether and actually wreak havoc on your union. I’ve also discovered that couples sometimes go with the flow without having discussions about marriage, family, finances, or religion. If one doesn’t subscribe to the other, then the relationship might capsize. That is not to say difference is a bad thing. I believe that it’s good to know the important things from early to see if the relationship is workable or not – that’s just me.

Now, this is where we level up. Since opposites attract, can that attraction make for a lasting connection? The answer is: yes. And no. Variety is one thing, and stability is another.

LESSONS FROM THE OCEAN

Notice the ocean: there are calm days, when the waves caress the shore. And then, there are stormy times, when the water goes into monster mode. Surfers revel in riding the latter, while many enjoy the splish and splash of the former. So it all depends on the persons involved.

I know from the get-go that I cannot date a man who isn’t busy. I must sound bonkers, I know, but the truth is, I have a hectic work schedule, which means I’m not always readily available for a long chat or frequent texts, or I may have to postpone a date night or two, due to circumstances beyond my control. And usually, only a man who leads a similar life can understand. But there is such a thing as too busy, so he also has to find a middle ground in making the time, even when there isn’t enough in the day, because I’m a lover at heart, so there’s always time in transit to send a greeting, or say kind words. I’m all about that life when it comes to a man, so I expect the same courtesy extended to me. On that, I won’t negotiate. And now, I don’t have to. *Wink*

I usually have a lot to say, so it’s nice when a man can bring some sound, solid, substantial, and stimulating arguments to the table – to back up or refute claims. We can go pros versus cons, respecting each other’s opinions, whether or not we’re in agreement. I hardly ever see eye to eye with this guy. When it happens, great! If not, I welcome the disparity and entertain it. Ask him what he likes about me the most and he’ll tell you my mind. *Twirls in excitement*

Remember earlier when I mentioned our mismatched demeanours? Well, the key to making that work is balance, having the contrasts bring out other sides you might not have ever known existed. Like, I’m not always loud, and guess who has a VIP ticket to my quiet side? He does! Passionate discussions raise his vocals a few octaves higher than usual and it’s always refreshing to watch. While I maintain being in the spotlight, it’s good to step back into the wings and keep certain things a mystery. And every now and then, he’ll stand as my co-star in an episode of ‘Livin’ La Vida Loca’. He’s broadening his horizons into a few colours and I’m exploring earth tones. The procrastinating is improving a little bit. And as to cutting the rug? He can hold his own on the dance floor and I’m the only one with two left feet, so if I can make it work, then so can he.

So cheers to engaging in amorous attraction: opposing and connecting.

krysta.anderson@gleanerjm.com