Wed | Nov 30, 2022

The Three Ls of you and me

Published:Monday | June 17, 2019 | 12:05 AM

Most are familiar with the K-i-s-s-i-n-g playground song that says, “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage”. And while it is a great concept, life doesn’t always play out as one, two, three.

As you emerge on the dating scene as adults, the story of life and intimacy changes, and you find yourself, one way or the other, interacting and experiencing the three Ls.

First comes Lust ...

It’s your burning desire to spend quality time with someone you’re attracted to. She might be drop-dead gorgeous. He may be chiselled to perfection. But the one you’re after, or who is after you, should possess the ‘It’ factor. It could be very specific. It could speak to the physique, tap into the mental space, or even touch on emotions. Or it could just be that there’s something about him or her. ‘I can’t put my finger on it, but you are it – for me’.

The attraction is primitive by nature and can drive you wild. Fantasies cross over into the realm of sweet reality. You speed off with an insatiable appetite for that specific company, yearning for more even when you shouldn’t. It is by far the most exciting and exhilarating of the Ls, and although it may dip in ‘fever’, never forget to go patient mode and be ‘lovesick’ every now and then. Act accordingly, ‘rinse and repeat’. Looking for love in the right places is a must. But be careful: you don’t want to end up on the other side with Ms or Mr Wrong, staring down the barrel of the ‘gun’ of heartbreak.

Then comes Love ...

Love is a beautiful thing. As cliché as that may sound, it is not for the faint of heart. It is by far the easiest yet hardest journey you will ever have to take. Once it’s the real deal, it dances romantically for two, basking freely in endless bliss. Fate is sealed from the moment you both meet to the time you decide to spend the rest of your lives together. And it floats effortlessly in the air; you know it, you partner knows it, and guess what, other people see it and feel it too. Then it goes even deeper than that. Love transcends the hardest of times and roughest of waters. Love treasures the memories, cherishes the good times. Love heals, it nurtures, it teaches, it forgives, and it conquers ... all.

Then comes Learning beyond and above ...

Now here’s the step couples never talk about. It’s almost this unspoken truth that everyone thinks they know, but they have no idea.

Maintaining you in your union: Many believe that when two becomes one, the self should play secretary to the love boss. It’s so easy to be swept off your feet by the lure of ‘happily ever after’, that you bury all the previous lessons it took to get you there in the first place: the person you once were isn’t dead, those steps brought you the wisdom that made you the phenomenal individual you are today. So remember you and nurture yourself on your love journey.

Growing and glowing in love: You then neglect what is being taught in ‘current affairs’ and are unable to apply such knowledge when needed in a pragmatic, sentimental or even emotional fashion. You dismiss the importance of the sit-downs, heart-to-hearts and the ‘we need to talk’ sessions geared towards the person that you and your partner are becoming. And instead of tuning in to the audio and the visual, you lose out, living your lives on different channels as complete strangers. Now is the time to go above and beyond for the one you love. Growing never stops so neither should learning about your significant other and the love you both share. It is imperative for the sustenance of a truly happy life. This gives new meaning to growing and glowing in love.