Thu | Dec 2, 2021

Long-distance frustrations

Published:Monday | August 10, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Q: I have been in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend for the last five-and-a-half years. She is a caring, supportive person. She is mature for her age. She is a true professional. We are both 32. She is in a steady job overseas. It is not well-paying but it pays the bills. She is living in a rented place. I am encouraging her to go to university so she can get a good-paying job and buy a house. She wants to get married by the end of this year. She wants to start a family because she does not have a child. I do not have a child but believe we need time. In addition, I am living with my parents because I cannot afford to rent a place.

Furthermore, she wants all my time. She lives two hours from work. Six days per week we talk for those two hours as she journeys home. When she reaches home we have to talk on Skype for another two hours. During that time she does not want me to even take a telephone call from anyone else. She is too insecure. I assured have her that I do not have anyone else but she does not believe me. Her ex-boyfriend is still interested in her and telephones her sometimes. I say nothing. Sometimes I get frustrated and don't know what to do. Please, help me.

A: Perhaps the long-distance relationship is taking a toll on her. Obviously, to her, there is a difference between talking with you for two hours and seeing you for another two hours on Skype.

She is lonely and lives alone. She does not have her parents, like you do. She is just missing you. However, she needs to give you space, allow you to pursue other interests.

In addition, she needs to have other hobbies and interests. Perhaps she is insecure, no amount of reassurance will help her. It could be she is judging you, based on her ex-boyfriend. She needs to help herself, trust you until she has concrete evidence of unfaithfulness.

You have given your girlfriend good advice to engage further studies to increase the potential for more income and more assets.

However, you need to heed your own advice, improve your academic credentials to be able to purchase a house, move out of your parents' house. You have a leadership role in this matter. You both have a different timeline for marriage, starting a family. You both need to get pre-marital counselling to resolve that difference.