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How do I tell my church brother he has bad breath?

Published:Wednesday | August 26, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Dear Joan,

Greetings in the name of Jesus our soon-coming King. I have an issue that I need your help with. I am very disappointed in the behaviour of some of my church members. There is a brother about whom they are always whispering behind his back. The problem is that he has bad breath, but, instead of telling him, they talk about it among each other. I overheard one sister discussing it and I rebuked her. Her reply was. "if you are so concerned about it, why don't you tell him so that we won't have anything to discuss?"

I want to tell him, but, honestly, I don't want to hurt his feelings. I feel cute about approaching him.

Is there a diplomatic way that I can tell him without making him feel embarrassed?

I really want to know.

- K.J.


Dear K.J.,

Let me say that as a Christian, I am very disappointed with the behaviour of your church brethren. They are certainly not practising the love of God in their behaviour.

No matter how you put it, telling the person that he has a breath problem will cause some level of embarrassment. However, not informing him is far worse.

Just tell him that you would like to have a private conversation with him. Once you have his attention, as gently as you can, let him know it is not your intention to hurt his feelings. You could even open the conversation by asking if he has a sinus problem and when he asks why, you let him know the reason.

It may very well be that there is a medical explanation for his breath problem.

- Joan

I am afraid my husband is going to cheat on me

Dear Joan,

I need your help. I have been married for more than 18 years, and I would say we have a good marriage. My husband is very considerate. He helps around the house, we are each other's best friends, and I think the world of him.

If that were all, I would be the happiest woman on the face of the earth, but the one area I am lacking in is that I just don't like sex. Sometimes I feel so guilty, as he wants to make love and I am just not in the mood.

To avoid the subject, I sometimes pretend that I have a headache or a tummy ache. I know it is not right and I ask the Lord for forgiveness for deceiving him like this, but I don't know what else to do. When we make love, I feel almost nothing. I like cuddling and stuff like that, but when it comes on to sex, I just can't sum up the desire for it.

What is wrong with me?

- P.M.


Dear P.M.,

I am happy to hear that you have a partner you love and respect. You are right to be thinking that he might stray one of these days, but let's hope you can sort out your problem before it reaches this level. Since you are each other's best friends, I see nothing wrong with you having a frank discussion with him. Let him know your struggles in enjoying the sexual experience with him. It could be that you can both try new things. Go on a discovery with your body, try out different touches - whatever feels good. Be open about what you think will please you.

Some women take a lot more time to get sexually excited than others, so don't go giving up on your desires just yet.

If you can afford it, you could also try talking to a sex therapist. Maybe he or she can get to the root of the problem as to why you are not enjoying sex.

- Joan

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