Wed | Dec 8, 2021

My husband wants me to talk dirty

Published:Wednesday | September 9, 2015 | 3:40 PM

My husband wants me

to talk dirty

Dear Joan,

I am presently dealing with a situation that is making me very uncomfortable. I am happily married. Well, most areas of the relationship are great except for one thing.

I usually enjoy lovemaking with my husband. I have never refused him, even when I am not really in the mood. The trouble now is that he wants me to talk dirty to him.

I notice he is using the 'F' word a lot and he keeps urging me to say it. The truth is, I just can't bring myself to doing it. I told him that even before I gave my life to the Lord, I never used those words, so it would be even worse now.

He said there is nothing wrong with husband and wife doing it and it makes the session more exciting. I always enjoyed myself with him before he started going for the obscene words. I don't see how saying it will make it any better.

I don't want any trouble in my marriage, Joan, but I honestly don't want to use that word. How do I deal with this situation?

- H.J.

Dear H.J.,

This is a very controversial and touchy topic where Christian couples are concerned. I will tell you this. Some women who are less reserved see no problem in pleasing their husbands by talking dirty. Others, like you, refrain. For me, I don't use those words at all. Like you, I have a strong conviction in not uttering them, but that's me, and my husband doesn't insist I do.

Maybe you can try talking to him the way you just did in your letter to me. Let him know how much you love and appreciate him and how excited you are at the thought of lovemaking with him. Then try to seek his understanding about you not using the words. Tell him you can find a lot more ways to get him excited without obscene language.

Blessings! I do hope you two get past this issue.

- Joan

Is it right to criticise your pastor?

Dear Joan,

I am young in the faith and look up to quite a few people in my church. The trouble is that I am feeling really uncomfortable about a situation, but, first, I need to know if I am being too harsh on them.

I find that sometimes they criticise our pastor and when I try to defend him, they tell me I don't understand what they are talking about.

One claimed the pastor is not doing his job properly as he "allows too many slackness to slide", and another brethren seems to have a problem with the way he allows his granddaughter to dress coming to church.

I told them I don't think it is right for them to be discussing the pastor like that behind his back. They brushed my comment aside saying that I don't understand spiritual things.

Now tell me, what is so spiritual about dissecting your leader behind his back? If they are that concerned about his behaviour, why don't they meet with him and put their concerns on the table?

- J.H.

Dear J.H.,

I must congratulate you on your stance in refusing to be caught up in that dangerous habit. The Bible speaks about the tongue in James chapter 3: "It is a world of iniquity and set on fire of hell. The tongue can no man tame!"

Those brethren are up to no good and, remember this, they will discuss you too without a moment's hesitation.

You may be young in the faith, but you are exhibiting far more maturity so don't allow them to influence you in being a partaker in their backbiting the pastor.

Maybe you should give them a shocker. Tell them that since what they are doing is 'very spiritual', then they won't have a problem with you going to the pastor and getting his feedback on the issue. I bet you they will be back-pedalling so fast your head will spin. It will also mean the last time they come to you with gossip about the head of your church.

God bless.

- Joan

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